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Pretty Jokes

Elf Puns
"Santa’s pretty stelfy going down the chimney, don’t you think?" said one elf to another.
Adam and the Witch
A man named Adam walked along a forest trail, when suddenly he was stopped by an evil looking crone, who calls herself a witch. The witch screeches at him: "Tell me I am pretty or you will be cursed!" Adam: "Sorry, but I don't find you attractive." Witch: "Take that back, or you most surely will be cursed!" Adam: "Nope. You're hideous." The witch then transformed him into an ant. Witch: "Look where your rudeness brought you! " Adam: "Yeah this sucks, but you still look like a moldy potato." Witch: "Very well, then. You will remain in this form until you repent and call me pretty!" He is still adamant.
Funny Health Quotes
"I am pretty sure that, if you will be quite honest, you will admit that a good rousing sneeze, one that tears open your collar and throws your hair into your eyes, is really one of life's sensational pleasures." - Robert Benchley
Mall Pick Up Lines
Did you know this mall has a movie theater? I just saw a preview of our life together. Looks pretty good!
Halloween Pick Up Lines
Wow, You must be the pretty princess the evil queen is trying to get rid of.
Utensils Puns
My friend showed me how he keeps his expensive butcher knife sharp.
I thought it was pretty cleaver.
Yard Puns
Two kids are camping in their backyard, it's gotten pretty late and neither of them has a watch.
"What time do you think it is?" one of them asks the other.
"Just make a ton of noise," says the other.
The first kid gets confused and decides to do it anyway. After a few seconds of screaming, a light turns on in another yard and a neighbor yells, "YOU CRAZY KIDS IT'S 2 IN THE MORNING!!"
The Berkowitz Baby
There was a man named Ray Berkowitz, and he was at work when his wife called in panic - she was ready to give birth! He hurried to the hospital as quickly as he could, marveling that his son, Charles, is about to be born. One day while Ray was out of town for work, he got a call from his wife that she was going into labor. He rushed back but didn't make it before she gave birth... and she called him to tell him it was a healthy baby boy. He drove all night and all day and finally made it to the hospital. He was so excited he rushed straight to the maternity ward and to the nursery where he found a big glass room with a big sign above the door [BEAUTIFUL BABIES] Excitedly he rushed in, "I want to see my son!" The nurse asked for the name. "Charles Berkowitz" The nurse looked at the list and said, "sorry sir, your kid isn't here, try the next nursery down the hall." Perplexed, Ray walked down the fall to another big glass room with another big sign [Beautiful Babies] Alright, "My son will have a pretty easy life looking handsome." He thought and walked in. "I want to see my son." "Name, please." "Charles Berkowitz" The nurse looks over her list and says, "sorry sir, not here, try the nursery down the hall." So the man walks down the hall to find another room with a big sign [Ugly Babies] "That's alright." He thought. "Looks don't matter." He walked in smiling and said "I want to see my son, Charles Berkowitz" The nurse looks over her list and frowns... "Sorry sir, try the next nursery down the hall." Dejected... the man walks down the hall to a room that wasn't glass, that had a smaller sign over the door - [Very Ugly Babies] "It doesn't matter what he looks like." He thinks to himself. "I'll love him no matter what." He walks in. "Please... I want to see my son... Charles Berkowitz" The nurse looks down at her list and shakes her head. "I'm sorry, he's not here. Try the next nursery down the hall." He was getting really worried now... He walks down another long hallway that ends in a single steel door with a little plaque on it that says... [Charles Berkowitz]
Space Pick Up Lines
This love feels like floating endlessly in outer space and looking for your pretty lost smiles.
Christian Pick Up Lines
I don't have a foot fetish, but I'm pretty into mistle-toe.
I could work with the elves in the ribbon-tying department because I'm a pretty knotty girl.
Classic Pick Up Lines
Hey, you're pretty and I'm cute. Together we'd be pretty cute
Elvis Pick Up Lines
Pretty lady, I guess wishes do come true, seeing as a boy like me met a a girl like you.
Music Pick Up Lines
My bowing arm is pretty sore… Because you just made my tremolo.
Grocery Store Pick Up Lines
I actually prefer that life give me lemons so that I can make a pretty lady like you some lemonade on a hot Summer's day.
A pretty lady wasn't on my shopping list but I can be spontaneous.
Coffee Shop Pick Up Lines
Wow, two teaspoons? Lucky for you, I’m a pretty good spooner myself.