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Pepper Jokes

Appliance Puns
What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
Seal Puns
Why do seals swim in salt water ?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze.
Puns
How do you measure the heaviness of a red hot chili pepper?
Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now.
Hummus Puns
So I was standing in the grocery store comparing the prices of a couple packs of hummus when my roommate came up to me and suggest the off brand roasted red pepper kind to which I replied:

"Ya, I'm not really sure about that brand. They seem to be very hit and hummus for me."

He was not impressed.
Chuck Norris Jokes
Chuck Norris spices up his steaks with pepper spray.
Food Quotes
"I'm not sure what makes pepperoni so good if it's the pepper or the oni."
— Ulrik Stephens
If You're Outdoors, Wear a Bell Please
"Important Announcement: In light of the rising frequency of human - grizzly bear conflicts, the Alaska Department of Fish and Game is advising hikers, hunters, and fishermen to take extra precautions and keep alert of bears while in the field. They advise that outdoorsmen wear noisy little bells on their clothing so as not to startle bears that aren't expecting them. They also advise outdoorsmen to carry pepper spray with them in case of an encounter with a bear. It is also a good idea to watch out for fresh signs of bear activity. Outdoorsmen should recognize the difference between black bear and grizzly bear dung. Black bear dung is smaller and contains lots of berries and squirrel fur. Grizzly bear dung has little bells in it and smells like pepper."
Salt Puns
A chap goes to see the doctor with salt on one ear and pepper on the other. The doctor says, “You need to start eating more sensibly”.
What are the four seasons?
Salt, Pepper, Sugar and Flour.
Did you know that if you poured salt on a cat's tail it will fall off?
It's true! And if you pour pepper on a cat's tail, the pepper will also fall off.
When I was in basic training we couldn't have salt or pepper.
Those were reserved for the seasoned veterans.
What’s the opposite of Himalayan salt?
Herastandin pepper.
Why do sharks swim in salt water?
If they swam in pepper water they would sneeze.
Water Puns
Why do sharks only swim in salt water?
Because pepper always makes them sneeze.
Mouth Puns
There's a South American country where they have a rare pepper. Instead of being hot when you eat it, it makes your mouth feel cold.
It's called the Chilly Chile Chili.
Food puns
Why didn't the green pepper practice archery?
Because it didn't habanero.