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Once Jokes

Classic Pick Up Lines

You’re once, twice, three times a lady.

Pot Puns

I tried smoking pot once.
I choked on the handle.

Funny Aging Quotes

"Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard there is nothing you can do about it." - Golda Meir

"Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once." - Dave Barry

“You are only young once. After that you have to think up some other excuse.” —Billy Arthur

Gnome Puns

I met a gnome once, our conversation was very awkward...
I’m not very good at small talk.

Kitchen Puns

I lost a cooking challenge once for not completing the dish.
I ran out of thyme.

Once we had a cooking exam. After I finished, teacher said, that it was well done
But I made Medium Rare.

Orange Puns

You shouldn’t put orange slices in your beer. Well, maybe once in a Blue Moon.

Food Quotes

“I thought about losing weight once, but I don’t like losing.”
― Unknown

"I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge."
— Unknown

"Fish is the only food that is considered spoiled once it smells like what it is."
— P. J. O'Rourke

Nuts Puns

I once saw a guy burn to death after nutting
“He cumbusted”

What happened to the man who turned into a pistachio?
He became a shell of who he once was.

Utensils Puns

What do you call a knife that cuts 4 loaves of Irish bread at once?
A four loaf cleaver!