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Irish Puns
How can you tell if you’ve told a really funny Irish joke?
People will be Dublin over with laughter!
How does every Irish joke start?
By looking over your shoulder.
Garden Puns
Did you hear the gardener's joke about the old oak tree?
It's acorny one!
Strawberry Puns
I felt like telling you the joke about a strawberry jam on a piece of bread, but I won't. You might go around spreading it.
A Lesson in Fighter Plane Humility
A C-130 was lumbering along when a cocky F-16 flashed by. The jet jockey decided to show off and told the C-130 pilot: 'Watch this!' and promptly went into a barrel roll followed by a steep climb. He then finished with a sonic boom as he broke the sound barrier. The F-16 pilot asked the C-130 pilot what he thought of that? The C-130 pilot said, 'That was impressive, but watch this!' The C-130 droned along for about 5 minutes and then the C-130 pilot came back on and said: 'What did you think of that?' Puzzled, the F-16 pilot asked, 'What the heck did you do?' The C-130 pilot chuckled. 'I stood up, stretched my legs, walked to the back, took a leak, then got a cup of coffee and a cinnamon roll." And the lesson? When you are young & foolish - speed & flash may seem a good thing. When you get older & smarter - comfort & boredom is not such a bad thing. Us older folks understand this one, it's called S.O.S - Slower, Older and Smarter!
Monster Puns
What do you call a dad joke about skeletons?
A skele-pun!
Tableware Puns
So I heard this joke about glass
But it clearly shouldn’t have been made
If I Had a Dollar... Jokes
If I had a dime for every time I heard this joke, I’d have a dime. Never heard this one before!
Hi, my name is Cage and if I had a nickel for every time I told a funny joke...
I would be Nickeless Cage.
If I had a nickel for every COVID-19 joke I know, I could buy a whole lot of toilet paper.
Utensils Puns
I heard this pun about a cheese grater the other day...
It was a grate joke.
Trying to Get a Job in India...
Mujibar was trying to get a job in India. The Manager said, 'Mujibar, you have passed all the tests, except one. Unless you pass it, you cannot qualify for this job.' Mujibar said, 'I am ready.' The manager said, 'Make a sentence using the words Yellow, Pink, and Green .' Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, 'Mister Manager, I am ready.' The manager said, 'Go ahead..' Mujibar said, 'The telephone goes green, green, and I pink it up, and say, Yellow, this is Mujibar.' Mujibar now works at the call center.
Onion Puns
An onion just told me a joke.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Meat Puns
Some people have to stop telling meat puns, because they simply butcher every single joke.
The Best Teacher Comeback
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. 'Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!' A smart-ass student in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, 'What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?' The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, 'Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.'
Giant Puns
I don’t care if all of the other giants see me as a big joke for filing a restraining order on a guy I’ve got 75 feet on.
Beanstalked is a serious matter.
Yeti/ Bigfoot Puns
A barber, a hairdresser, and Bigfoot walk into a bar...
You know what...I'm gonna shave this joke for another time.
Funny Work Quotes
“My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.” – Anonymous
Blonde vs. Lawyer
There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted. The lawyer first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?" Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. then the blonde asked, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?" Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00 The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, "What is the answer to your question?" Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5.