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Golden Jokes

Animal Puns
What do you get if you cross a gold dog with a telephone?
A golden receiver.
Funny Poems
King Hero of old Syracuse had doubts that made him frown.
"Perhaps my goldsmith did not use pure gold to make the crown."
Since proof of mischief must be strong to put a thief in collar,
The king who feared his judgment wrong called on his science scholar.
"Archimedes, friend of old, find me the solution!
Is my crown pure solid gold, or is that an illusion?"
The scholar's task was serious; he struggled hard with math.
His mind was near delirious until he poured his bath.
He noticed how the water pushed him up as he stepped in.
He thought about it harder as he stroked his bearded chin.
"The weight of displaced liquid should always let me know
When any golden solid has a density too low!"
"Eureka!", he resounded. "I have such a clever mind".
Yet his claim was unfounded 'cause he left his clothes behind!

(by Robert Z)
Clean Jokes
When god gave out bodies, he did it in alphabetical order.
GOD: And to you, horse, I give you a golden mane, great strength and speed, and a giant gait. You will be the noblest of beasts, and men will love you.

HORSEFLY (next in line): Oh man this is gonna be gooood.
Dog Puns
What did the Golden Retriever say to the beautiful poodle?
You’re looking very fetching.
Did you hear the story about a Golden Retriever who brought a ball back from miles away?
It was far-fetched.
Mummy Puns
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
Spouse Puns
What do you call a mosquito sitting on your spouse’s cheek?
A golden opportunity.
Funny Money Quotes
“We live by the Golden Rule. Those who have the gold make the rules." ~Buzzie Bavasi
"We live by the golden rule. Those who have the gold make the rules." ~ Unknown