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Gold Jokes

Food Quotes
"If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world."
– J.R.R. Tolkien
Baseball Pick Up Lines
You're a Catch Worthy of a Gold Glove
Giving the Lord His Share
There once were two very successful thieves. They had a knack for finding unguarded entries to rich houses and robbing them of their gold.They were both, however, devout Catholics, and they knew the 10 commandments. So after deliberating the issue, they decided to go to the church with their loot to confess their sins to the Lord. After staring at the grim, seemingly judging faces of the saints surrounding them in the church, they further decided to offer some part of the gold they robbed to the church to wash away their wrongdoings. The only problem was they couldn't decide how much to offer. The first one thinks for a minute, then draws a foot long circle on the floor. He lifts his face up and says, "Oh lord, I'll throw all my loot into the air, whatever lands inside the circle is yours and what little is left outside I'll keep for myself." Saying this he threw all his loot up in the air. As it came down almost all of the gold fell outside the circle except for a few coins. He praises the Lord for his generosity and collects his share while smiling. The second one steps back and thinks hard. He lets out a deep sigh and says, "Oh lord! Forgive me for my sins. I won't make you pick up your share from the floor like my friend. I'll throw up all my loot towards you in the heavens. Please keep whatever you want and just throw back on to this earth whatever you think I deserve."
Mummy Puns
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
Funny Birthday Poems
You may look a little older,
Sadly youth doesn't come cheap,
So skip all those Botox parties,
And just get your beauty sleep.

Be glad you're young at heart,
And still look as good as gold,
Too bad you're not a millionaire,
And can't put your looks on hold.

(Kevin Nishmas)
Funny Animal Poems That Rhyme
All doggies go to heaven (or so I’ve been told).
They run and play along the streets of Gold.
Why is heaven such a doggie-delight?
Why, because there’s not a single cat in sight!

(Larry Huggins)
Sports Pick Up Lines
Hey girl. I won this gold medal, but I'd really like to win your heart.
Hey girl, my gold medal might be shiny but it looks like a dull penny compared to that sparkle in your eyes
Cherry Puns
What did the cherry say when it won its third Olympic gold medal? That's just the cherry on top of a successful career.
Funny Money Quotes
“We live by the Golden Rule. Those who have the gold make the rules." ~Buzzie Bavasi
"We live by the golden rule. Those who have the gold make the rules." ~ Unknown
Kangaroo Puns
How does a kangaroo win a gold medal?
In the long jump.
Food Poems
While fishing in the blue lagoon,
I caught a lovely silver fish,
And he spoke to me, "My boy," quoth he,
"Please set me free and I'll grant your wish;
A kingdom of wisdom? A palace of gold?
Or all the fancies your mind can hold?"
And I said, "O.K." and I set him free,
But he laughed at me as he swam away,
And left me whispering my wish
Into a silent sea.

Today I caught that fish again
(That lovely silver prince of fishes),
And once again he offered me,
If I would only set him free,
Any one of a number of wishes,
If I would throw him back to the fishes.

He was delicious!!

(Shel Silverstein)
Deer Puns
Did you hear about the generous and kind deer? She had a hart of gold!
Funny Poems
All doggies go to heaven (or so I’ve been told).
They run and play along the streets of Gold.
Why is heaven such a doggie-delight?
Why, because there’s not a single cat in sight! (Larry Huggins)