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Forever Jokes

Food Quotes
“Abs are temporary. Chocolate is forever.”
― Unknown
Orange Puns
How do you celebrate orange drink that doesn't expire?
Woo! Tang is forever!
Onion Puns
How will the other onions remember the onion that died? It will be forever minced!
What did the two onions who were lovers say to each other before being separated? "Our love will forever go-nion on!"
Nuts Puns
What did the nut husband tell his wife? “Nut-ing lasts forever, except my love for you!”
How to Get People Off Drugs
Two young guys appear in court after being arrested for doing drugs. The judge says, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance instead of jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to convince others of the evils of drug use. I'll see you back in court Monday and you better have gotten some results or you're going straight to jail." On Monday, the judge asks the first guy, "How did you do over the weekend?" "Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever." "Seventeen people? That's wonderful. How did you do it? " "I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this: O o. Then I told them that the big circle is your brain before drugs and the small circle is your brain after drugs." "That's admirable," says the judge. Then he turns to the second guy. "And how did you do?" "Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever." "Wow!" says the judge. "156 people! How did you manage to do that?" "Well, I used a similar diagram," the guy says. "I drew two circles like this: o O. Then I pointed to the little circle and said, 'This is your sphincter before prison... '"
Coffee Shop Pick Up Lines
I like you about 1/18 as much as I like a Pumpkin Spice Latte, which is to say “I love you forever, let’s get married.”
Friendship Quotes
“I think we’ll be friends forever because we’re too lazy to find new friends.”
— Unknown
“We’ll be best friends forever because you already know too much.”
— Unknown
Funny Groucho Marx Quotes
"I intend to live forever, or die trying."
Strawberry Puns
What is John Lennon's favorite donut? Strawberry' Filled Forever.'
Being Senior Can Be a Funny Thing...
Want to live forever? Then choose one of these professions: Old bankers never die, they just lose their interest! Old lawyers never die, they just lose their appeal. Old limbo dancers never die, they just go under. Old printers never die, they're just not the type. Old tanners never die, they just go into hiding. Old wrestlers never die, they just lose their grip. Old chauffeurs never die, they just lose their drive. Old archers never die, they just bow and quiver. Old actors never die, they just drop apart. -------------------------------------- Three old guys were out walking. First one said, "Windy, isn't it?" The second one said, "No, it's Thursday!" The third one said, "So am I. Let's go get a beer!" -------------------------------------- Senior citizens have taken to texting with gusto. They even have their own vocabulary:  BFF: Best Friend Fainted  BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth  CBM: Covered by Medicare  FWB: Friend with Beta-blockers  LMDO: Laughing My Dentures Out  GGPBL: Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low!
Literary Pick Up Lines
Are you an audiobook? Because I want to listen to you forever.
Monster Puns
College-age vampires only ever shop in one place - Forever 21.
Cherry Puns
What do two cherries say when they get married? I promise to cherry-ish you forever.
Funny Break Up Lines
Are you a fidget spinner? Because the last time I had fun with you was forever ago and I’m not really interested in touching you anymore. I’m pretty sure you were just a phase and now I’d really like to get you out of my house and forget it ever happened.
Funny Animal Quotes
“To my mind, the only possible pet is a cow. Cows love you… They will listen to your problems and never ask a thing in return. They will be your friends forever. And when you get tired of them, you can kill and eat them. Perfect.”
Bill Bryson