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England Jokes

The Only Parachute
Paratroopers from England, Scotland, France and the US were on a plane. During World War II, four paratroopers each from England, Scotland, France and the US, were on a plane about to jump when they realized there was only one serviceable parachute. The French paratrooper downed a glass of cognac, said "Pour la France!" and jumped without the parachute. The American downed a glass of bourbon, said "For freedom!" and jumped without the parachute. The Scotsman downed a glass of whiskey, said "For Scotland!" and threw the Englishman.
Travel Pick Up Lines
Are you from South England? Cause you Brighton up my day
The Brit, The Scot, The Irishman and the Genie
Three guys, one Irish, one English, and one Scottish are out walking along the beach together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. "I will give you each one wish, that’s three wishes in total," says the Genie. The Scottish guy says, "I am a fisherman, my Dad’s a fisherman, his Dad was a fisherman and my son will be one too. I want all the oceans full of fish for all eternity." So, with a blink of the Genie’s eye "poof" the oceans were teeming with fish. The Englishman was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around England, protecting her, so that no one will get in for all eternity." Again, with a blink of the Genie’s eye "poof" there was a huge wall around England. The Irishman asks, "I’m very curious. Please tell me more about this wall." The Genie explains, "Well, it’s about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick, protecting England so that nothing can get in or out." The Irishman says, "Please Fill it up with water."
Tea Puns
What’s the difference between England’s football team and a tea bag
A tea bag stays longer in the cup.
What's the difference between England and a tea bag? The tea bag stays in the cup longer.
What do you drink with the Queen of England? Royal-Tea.
History Puns
England is the wettest country because many monarchs reigned there for many years.
A Young Scot Attends An English University
Donald MacDonald from the Scottish Highlands, went to study Law at a renowned and austere English university and was living in the hall of residence with all the other students there. After he had been there a month, his old mother came to visit him. "And how do you find the English students, Donald?" she asked. "Mother," he replied, "they're such terrible, noisy people... ...The one on that side keeps banging his head on the wall and won't stop... ...The one on the other side screams and screams all night." "Oh Donald! How do you manage to put up with these awful noisy English neighbors?" She asked her son. Donald replied enthusiastically: "Mother, I do nothing. I simply ignore them. I just stay here quietly, playing my bagpipes."
Medieval Puns
Astonishingly, the first comic strip known to man was created by King John of England. It was called the 'Manga-Carta'!
Santa hit a dragon and killed it whilst flying over medieval England...
... guess you could say he sleighed it
Viking Puns
What was the Vikings favorite song while invading England ?
Heathen flow by Pearl Jam
Why did the Vikings sail to England in longboats?
It was too far to swim!
British Pick Up Lines
Are you from South England? Cause you Brighton up my day.
Blonde Jokes
A blond rings up an airline. She asks, "How long are your flights from America to England?" The woman on the other end of the phone says, "Just a minute..." The blond says, "Thanks!" and hangs up the phone.
Knight Puns
Why does England always get attacked in the summer?
Because the Knights are shorter then.
After which knight is a town in England named? Sir Rey!
Anti Jokes
If you were born in France. Raised in England moved to Canada and died in the USA what are you...?
Dead.
Band Puns
Have you heard about the new band located in the north east of england?
They're called Durham Durham.