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Education Jokes

Bat Puns
Where do bats get their education?
In night schools.
Food Quotes
"Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education."
— Mark Twain
State of Education
The visiting church school supervisor asks little Johnny during Bible class who broke down the walls of Jericho. Little Johnny replies that he does not know, but it definitely is not him. The supervisor, taken aback by this lack of basic Bible knowledge, goes to the school principal and relates the whole incident. The principal replies that he knows little Johnny as well as his whole family very well and can vouch for them, if little Johnny said that he did not do it, he as principal is satisfied that it is the truth. Even more appalled, the inspector goes to the regional Head of Education and relates the whole story. After listening he replies: "I cannot see why you are making such a big issue out of this. We will get three quotations and fix the darn wall!"
The Importance of a College Education
A father is lecturing his son about the importance of a good education. “Dad, what’s the difference between a man with a college degree and a man without?” Said the son. “Well son,” said the father, “you can perform the same job but the outcome will vary depending if you have a college degree or not!” “How so?” Asked the Son “You see, if you rob a man without a college degree you will be prosecuted as a criminal and sent to jail”. “What if I rob a man after I received a college degree?” Asked the son “In that case they will address you as Special Agent of the IRS.”
Funny Money Quotes
“Economists report that a college education adds many thousands of dollars to a man’s lifetime income – which he then spends sending his son to college.” — Bill Vaughn
Peach Puns
Why didn’t the peach do well on its ACT? Because when it comes to education, it only gets a little STEM.
Garden Quotes
“Cauliflower is a cabbage with a college education.”
— Mark Twain
One Liners and Short Jokes
I use to support higher spending on education. But then I learned a harsh truth. No matter how smart we we make children,
50% of them will still be below average.