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Dress Jokes

Food Poems
My Little Chocolate Mess

Bathwater and bubbles are waiting,
but my child is nowhere near.
Yet, I can see from cookie crumbs,
he's crawled from here to there.

Oh, yes! he's been in the kitchen.
I see his crooked crumb trail,
which leads to our white kitten,
with a chocolate, sticky tail!

In every room I search
for my little chocolate mess.
Then, I find him in the my bedroom,
with his hands on my new dress!

(Darlene Gifford)
Witch Puns
Why did the hotel staff dress as witches for Halloween?
Because they provided broom service!
Halloween Pick Up Lines
Why’d you dress up as a princess, when you could have simply come in plain clothes as the most beautiful girl at the Halloween party?
To Be Eight Again
A husband was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching his wife, who was looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off, he asked what she’d like as a gift. “I’d like to be 8 again,” she replied, still looking in the mirror. On the morning of her birthday, he rose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops, and then took her to Adventure World theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Roller Coaster, everything there was. Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. He then took her to a McDonald’s where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake. Then it was off to a movie, with popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&Ms. What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed, exhausted. He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, "Well dear, what was it like being 8 again?" Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed. "I meant my dress size, you idiot!"
Meat Puns
Why did the hamburger dress up as a computer? Because he wanted to be a Big Mac.
Clothes Pick Up Lines
That's a nice dress — where's the rest of it?
That Marchesa dress looks great on you...as a matter of fact, so would I.
Nice dress, can I talk you out of it?
Cherry Puns
What do fruit bowls say when they dress up as a ghost on Halloween? Be cherry afraid!
Monster Puns
Why do vampires always dress so nice?
Because they’re so vein!
Garden Puns
I'm a gardener and I'm OK
I sleep all night and I plant all day!
I dress in grubby clothing and hang around with slugs.
Oh I'm happy in the garden
With dirt and plants and bugs.
Corona Virus Jokes
You should dress up as a baker for Halloween with that set of buns.
The Lady and Her Hat
A policeman noticed an old lady standing on a street corner during a sudden windstorm. She was bracing herself by holding a light post with one hand, and she was holding her hat snugly against her head with her other hand. Unfortunately, a strong gust blew her dress upward, and it continued to flap in the wind, exposing her privates for everyone to see. The policeman asked, "Hey Lady, everybody is taking a look at what you've got. Don't you think that pulling your dress down is more important than worrying about your hat?" "Look here, Sonny - what these people are looking at is 85 years old, but the Hat is BRAND NEW!”
Canadian Pick Up Lines
You look like a vision in your dress tartan.
Movie Pick Up Lines
Hey, are you Cinderella because I see that dress disappearing at midnight.
Elvis Pick Up Lines
Hey you long legged girl with the short dress on. I finally found you!!
Classic Pick Up Lines
Nice dress. Can I talk you out of it?