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Days Jokes

Food Quotes
"The trouble with eating Italian food is that, five or six days later, you're hungry again."
– George Miller
"The trouble with eating Italian food is that five or six days later, you're hungry again."
— George Miller
Friendship Quotes
"If you can survive 11 days in cramped quarters with a friend and come out laughing, your friendship is the real deal."
— Oprah Winfrey
Kangaroo Puns
Why do mother kangaroos hate rainy days?
Because then the kids have to play indoors.
Funny Marriage Quotes
“A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.” - Tim Allen
“When you’re in love, it’s the most glorious two-and-a-half days of your life.”—Richard Lewis
The Sick Mother-In-Law
A man went to the hospital to visit his mother-in-law, who was in serious condition. On the way back the wife, very worried, asks: "So, honey? How's my mom doing?" He replies: "She looks great! She is in good health! She will still live for many years! Next week she will be released from the hospital and will come and live with us, forever!" "Wow that's amazing!" Says the surprised wife - "But this is very strange, dear... yesterday she seemed to be on her deathbed, the doctors said she should have a few days to live!" "Well, I don't know how she was yesterday," he replied, "but today when I arrived at the hospital, the doctor told me that we should prepare for the worst!"
Funny Work Quotes
“Find a job you like and you add five days to every week."
~ H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
3 Nurses Go to Heaven...
Three nurses sadly pass away. They rise up into heaven, and there they approach the gatekeeper to plead their case for entering paradise. So the keeper points to the first nurse, who says: "I worked in an emergency room. I treated many people, and always did my best to help. And although sometimes we would lose patients, I still think I deserve to enter." The gatekeeper glances at her file and admits her to heaven. The second nurse then says, "I used to work in the operating room, assisting surgeons. It was a lot of stress, and we lost many people, but I always did my best." The keeper glances at her file and motions her to enter. "And you?" He asks the third nurse. "I was a case manager for an HMO. I worked with thousands of patients." She answers confidently. The gatekeeper takes a long and careful look at her file. He pulls out a calculator and starts entering digits quickly, looking back from time to time at the woman's file. After a few minutes like this, the keeper looks up, smiles at her and says: "Congratulations! You've been admitted to heaven... for five days!"
Funny Money Quotes
“He who marries for love without money has good nights and sorry days.” – Anonymous
Orange Puns
Q: Why are orange and banana phones so popular these days?
A: They have appeal.
Toilet Paper Puns
Once we were so poor, we only had a calendar to use as toilet paper.
Now those days are behind me.
Funny Groucho Marx Quotes
"My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you something."
Knight Puns
These days, knights love to watch movies, and their favorite genre is the horror and the action genre. Also, I am pretty sure that their favorite movie is 'Knight Of The Living Dead.'
Garden Puns
God made rainy days, so gardeners could get the housework done.
Peach Puns
The big play is in seven days, you better work on your peach enhancement techniques.
Medieval Puns
For several days each month, some friends and I get together, play instruments and sing in a medieval style.
I guess you could call it my minstrel period.