Jokes > Tags > Dark Jokes

Dark Jokes

Funny Work Quotes
“If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.” – Betty Reese
Funny Groucho Marx Quotes
"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."
How to Get the Day Off Work
Two factory workers are talking. The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off." The man replies, "And how would you do that?" The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling. The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?" The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb." The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off." The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?" The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark!"
Monster Puns
What does a baby vampire say before going to bed?
- Turn on the dark, I’m scared of the light.
Knight Puns
In the dark ages, the knights had to attend a special type of school. It was the Knight School.
Theater Puns
I wonder why theatres are so sad? They're always dark, moody, and in tiers.
Funny Animal Quotes
“Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.”
Groucho Marx
“Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.”

- Groucho Marx.
How to Turn Tomatoes Red
A woman’s garden is growing beautifully but the tomatoes won’t ripen. She goes to her neighbor and says, ”Your tomatoes are ripe, mine are green. What can I do about it?” The man replies, ”Well, it may sound absurd but here’s what to do. Tonight there’s no moon. After dark go out into your garden and take all your clothes off. Tomatoes can see in the dark and they’ll be embarrassed and blush. In the morning they’ll all be red, you’ll see.” She says to herself "Well, what the heck it can’t hurt to try it." Next day her neighbor asks how it worked. “So so,” she answers. “The tomatoes are still green but the cucumbers are all four inches longer.”
Space Pick Up Lines
Are you the moon? Because even when it’s dark, you still seem to shine.
If a star fell every time I thought of you, the sky would be dark at night.
Your eyes look like dark black holes, buI can't help but to be drawn in.
Are you the moon? Because even when it’s dark you still seem to shine.
Hey baby, are you made up of dark matter? Because you’re indescribable.
Food Poems
Thanksgiving Dinner's sad and thankless
Christmas Dinner's dark and blue
When you stop and try to see it
From the turkey's point of view.

Sunday Dinner isn't sunny
Easter Feasts are just bad luck
When you see it from the viewpoint
Of a chicken or a duck.

Oh how I once loved tuna salad
Pork and Lobsters-- lamb chops too
Till I stopped and looked at dinner
From the dinner's point of view.

(Shel Silverstein)
Little Johnny and His Little Scheme
At school, Little Johnny was told by a classmate that most adults hide at least one dark secret - and this makes it very easy to blackmail them, merely by saying: "I know the whole truth." So Little Johnny decides to try it out. When he arrives home from school that day, he says to his mother, "I know the whole truth." His mother looks shocked, quickly finds $20, and gives it to him, saying, "Just don't tell your father." Quite pleased, Little Johnny waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." His father looks shocked, quickly finds $40, and gives it to him, saying, "Just don't tell your mother." The next morning, Little Johnny is on his way to school when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy decides to try again "I know the whole truth," he asserts boldly. The mailman stops in his tracks, then, tears in his eyes, drops his mailbag, throws opens his arms and says: "Then come give your daddy a great big hug!!!"
Medieval Puns
Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
Sun Pick Up Lines
My lenses turn dark in the sunshine of your love.