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Cheap Jokes

Funny Money Quotes
"Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are? Wall Street is now being called Wall Mart Street." ~ Jay Leno
Rock Puns
Why was the sedimentary rock so cheap? It was always on shale.
Why was the sedimentary rock so cheap?
It was always on shale.
Why was the sedimentary rock extra cheap?
Because it was on shale.
Father Puns
My father is so cheap...
When we go to bed he unplugs the clocks.
Music Pick Up Lines
Flute players provide some cheap trills.
Jokes For Women
How do you scare a man? Sneak up behind him and start throwing rice! How is a man like a used car? Both are easy to get, cheap, and unreliable!
The Family Secret
A husband and his wife were celebrating 50 years together. Their three kids, all very successful, all agreed to a Sunday dinner in their honor. "Happy Anniversary Mom & Dad" gushed son number one, a surgeon, "Sorry I'm running late. I had an emergency at the hospital with a patient, you know how it is, and didn't have time to get you a gift." "Not to worry" said the father, the important thing is that we're all together today." Son number two, a lawyer, arrived and announced "You and Mom look great Dad". I just flew in from Los Angeles between depositions and didn't have time to shop for you". "It's nothing," said the father. "We're glad you were able to come." Just then the daughter, a marketing executive, arrived. "Hello and Happy Anniversary! I'm sorry but my boss is sending me out of town and I was really busy packing, so I didn't have time to get you anything." After they finished dessert, the father said, "There's something your mother and I have wanted to tell you for a long time. You see, we were very poor. Despite this, we were able to send each of you to college. Throughout the years your mother and I knew we loved each other very much, but we just never found the time to get married." The three children gasped and one said, "You mean we're bastards?" "Yep," said the father, "and cheap ones too!"
Train Puns
Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. It was an end of line sale.
Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. It was an end of line sale.
How to Use Timbuktu!
A priest and a shepherd from Australia participate in a TV game. After answering all the questions, there is a tie. So both are given one final assignment. It is to write a poem in three minutes, using the word "Timbuktu". It is city in Africa. The priest returns with the fruit of his inspiration: "I was a father all my life, I had no children, had no wife, I read the bible through and through on my way to Timbuktu ... " The poem makes a great impression, and the priest smells a sweet victory. But then comes the shepherd, with his winning masterpiece: "When Tim and I to Brisbane went We met three women cheap to rent. They were three and we were two, So I booked one and Tim Booked Two ... "
Funny Birthday Poems
You may look a little older,
Sadly youth doesn't come cheap,
So skip all those Botox parties,
And just get your beauty sleep.

Be glad you're young at heart,
And still look as good as gold,
Too bad you're not a millionaire,
And can't put your looks on hold.

(Kevin Nishmas)
Spouse Puns
I took my wife out on a date to the ice rink, as entry was half price.
She called me a cheap skate.
Deodorant Puns
The perfume was very cheap.
It's price was in cents.
Phone Puns
Why did the telecommuter quit her job? Because talk is cheap.
What did the thrifty man say when he got his phone bill? "Who says talk is cheap?"
Toilet Paper Puns
I had to wait in line for 20 minutes just to buy some really cheap toilet paper!
It was a pain in the a**