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Attack Jokes

Heart Puns
I heard about a football player who had a heart attack and collapsed on top of his opponent.
He was dead on a rival.
What do you call an Irish dancer having a heart attack?
Michael flatline.
Her ex-husband had a heart attack after winning the lottery
But he'd neglected to update his will. She just couldn't bereave her luck!
Why did the pig have a heart attack?
Too much bacon.
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital. He was on a fairway to heaven.
A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his documents.
The poor man dyed a loan.
Lightning Puns
There is a higher chance of being struck by lightning than to be killed in a shark attack.
Shocking isn't it.
Medical Puns
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital.
He was on a fairway to heaven.
Juice Puns
I can't use my laptop anymore because someone spilled apple juice on it.
It was a cider attack.
Chuck Norris Jokes
Chuck Norris once had a heart attack. His heart lost.
Mexican Pick Up Lines
Hey, my friend just saw you from across the Salsa line. You’re the cause of the Hispanic attack.
Tiger Puns
Q: Why do the tiger not attack the farm?
A: He was a little bit sheepish.
Kitchen Puns
They were losing the battle, until they started chucking the tops of kitchen cupboards at the enemy.
It was a counter attack.
Crocodile Puns
Why won’t crocodiles attack lawyers?
Professional courtesy!
Guitar Puns
A bloke came up to me and said im going to attack you with the neck of my guitar.
I said to him, "is that a Fret"?