Is plate throwing a trully Olympic sport?
Discuss.
Part of my alphabetised tea set recently got possessed by a demon.
I’m sure it’s saucer ‘E’.
Cops should feed beans on very tiny plates to the suspects they're interrogating.
That way they're always gonna end up spilling the beans.
Did you hear about the nun who got into trouble for drinking communion wine from her convent's medieval goblet?
No, but it serves her rite.
A plate of sandwiches walks into a bar. The barman says “we don’t serve food”.
I was on a flight and I asked for a glass of water. The cabin crew asked “still?” I said “well, I haven’t changed my mind”.
Local glass blower inhaled whilst working. He ended up with a pane in his stomach.
Why was the door glass?
Because the door was ajar
What happens when you drink beer from a cup?
You both get drunk.
So I heard this joke about glass
But it clearly shouldn’t have been made
What did the home owner say to the mug shot when he put it up on his wall
"You've been framed!"
What do you call a glass dinosaur?
Pyrex.
Why did i murder the woman who served me a glass of wine?
Because i wanted tequila.
What is the national dish of Sweden?
Swedish.
My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought.
It is an extremely rare dish order.
I was looking forward to eat my rice bowl.
But my brother, like always, ate them. And now he's experiencing really bad headaches.
I guess it's because he has a history of having my-grains.
I used to be part of a ten pin league. Our team name was 'Bowl Movement'.
Minding my own business, when someone I thought was my friend threw a serving plate full of bumblebees at me.
I was bee-trayed.
Turned down an opportunity to invest in a company making frosted glass balls. Couldn’t see any future in it.
Why did the police arrest a cup of snow?
For just-ice
What is the dish that likes using the light switch?
StrogONOFF
How do you make garlic toast? Lift your glass and talk about the wonderful things it has done.
What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
I said to her, are going to eat that whole plate of spaghetti??
She said: no, it's in pasta bowl
I met a man with a glass eye this morning...
He didn’t tell me, it just came out in the conversation
It’s amazing how most jars look alike...
The resemblance is uncanny
The barman in the pub looked over at me said, "Your glass is empty. Fancy another one?" "
Why would I want two empty glasses?" I asked
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer and the sizzlin' steak platter.
"Here's your steak," the bartender says. "Be careful, that plate is really hot."
"Oh, no worries," the guy replies. "I'm not really attracted to plates."
What side of the mug is the handle on?
The outside.
I gave my dad a mug for his birthday
It said "World's greatest dad". When I gave it to him he looked kind of insulted. Is something wrong with it I asked? He replied, "You spelled 'dad' backwards"
What happened to your arm, Greg? And why are you eating that giant bowl of herbs?
"You know what they say, Margaret"
"Thyme heals all wounds".
My bedroom now has a stained glass window....
A pigeon just flew right into it.
Will glass coffins ever become popular?
This remains to be seen.
Was arguing with a friend in a restaurant recently when the waiter ran over and took the plate of garlic bread and the coleslaw. I wish he’d stop taking sides.
A baker fell down the stairs with a platter full of cookies.
As they say, that's the way the cookies crumbled.
I was served by a former police officer at my local Applebee’s, I asked for a cup of water and he gave me a cup of ice instead and said
“Just-ice has been served”
I came home and found my wife naked, except for a porcelain mug on each breast.
She said she was a t-cup.
My son took his jar collection way too far
When I came home from work I thought the house was robbed because the door was ajar.
What do you call a cat sitting on a platter?
A Platterpuss.
What do you call a very sad cup of coffee?
A depresso.
I didn't get this "World's Greatest Dad" mug for nothing.
It cost $14.99
Got emotional hearing about the role of tectonic plates in earthquakes. It was really moving.
What did the plate say to the refrigerator?
"Stay cool. Dinner's on me"
What do you call a stolen jar?
A free mason.
Almost dropped a plate of Alphabeti Spaghetti. That could have spelled disaster.
My wife just threw out our computer, shattering all the glass.
I guess she doesn’t like windows.
Two flies are playing football on a saucer.
They’re practicing for the cup.
They’ve started a collection to open a pool near me. I gave them a glass of water.
I was at a party last night, waiting my turn to get to the punch bowl.
Everyone was being very polite, patient and not barging in. I thought to myself, "At last...
a decent punchline"
What do you call a cap to a jar that doesn't fit?
An invalid.