Justice is a dish best served cold
Because otherwise it would be justwater.
My son took his jar collection way too far
When I came home from work I thought the house was robbed because the door was ajar.
I didn't get this "World's Greatest Dad" mug for nothing.
It cost $14.99
My biggest problem with having three square meals a day is that all my plates are round.
Why did the blind man always use paper cups?
He has no need for glasses.
I gave my dad a mug for his birthday
It said "World's greatest dad". When I gave it to him he looked kind of insulted. Is something wrong with it I asked? He replied, "You spelled 'dad' backwards"
What do you call a very sad cup of coffee?
A depresso.
Got emotional hearing about the role of tectonic plates in earthquakes. It was really moving.
I was looking forward to eat my rice bowl.
But my brother, like always, ate them. And now he's experiencing really bad headaches.
I guess it's because he has a history of having my-grains.
Is plate throwing a trully Olympic sport?
Discuss.
My wife just threw out our computer, shattering all the glass.
I guess she doesn’t like windows.
What do you call a cap to a jar that doesn't fit?
An invalid.
I said to her, are going to eat that whole plate of spaghetti??
She said: no, it's in pasta bowl
I was on a flight and I asked for a glass of water. The cabin crew asked “still?” I said “well, I haven’t changed my mind”.
Will glass coffins ever become popular?
This remains to be seen.
How do you make garlic toast? Lift your glass and talk about the wonderful things it has done.
Instead of a swear jar I have a negativity jar. Everytime I have a pessimistic thought I put a dollar in it.
It's half empty.
My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought.
It is an extremely rare dish order.
My car keeps telling me my door is ajar. It's not a jar you idiot it's a door.
Two flies are playing football on a saucer.
They’re practicing for the cup.
Was arguing with a friend in a restaurant recently when the waiter ran over and took the plate of garlic bread and the coleslaw. I wish he’d stop taking sides.
What is the dish that likes using the light switch?
StrogONOFF
What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
I thought I checkmated my dad with my new glass set in chess...
But he saw right through it
Someone threw a jar of mayo at me
I yelled what the Hellmann?!
If prisoners could take their own mug shots...
Would they be called cellfies?
What did the plate say to the refrigerator?
"Stay cool. Dinner's on me"
Why was the door glass?
Because the door was ajar
My dad kept calling referring to this mason jar as his “boom box”.
When I asked him why, he responded “I use it for all my jams!”
What do you call someone who labels jars of body parts?
An organiser.
I met a man with a glass eye this morning...
He didn’t tell me, it just came out in the conversation
Why did the police arrest a cup of snow?
For just-ice
A plate of sandwiches walks into a bar. The barman says “we don’t serve food”.
What did the glass say to the window?
"I'm in pane."
I used to be part of a ten pin league. Our team name was 'Bowl Movement'.
Why was the jar about to explode?
Cause it was jam-packed!
What happened to your arm, Greg? And why are you eating that giant bowl of herbs?
"You know what they say, Margaret"
"Thyme heals all wounds".
My wife asked me if I'd seen the dog bowl...
I said I didn't even know he could play.
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer and the sizzlin' steak platter.
"Here's your steak," the bartender says. "Be careful, that plate is really hot."
"Oh, no worries," the guy replies. "I'm not really attracted to plates."
What the Poland man did, after adding German mugs to his collection?
He polished them.
What is the national dish of Sweden?
Swedish.
What did the home owner say to the mug shot when he put it up on his wall
"You've been framed!"
Almost dropped a plate of Alphabeti Spaghetti. That could have spelled disaster.
Did you hear about the nun who got into trouble for drinking communion wine from her convent's medieval goblet?
No, but it serves her rite.
Dear Optimist, Pessimist and Realist. While you were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.
The Opportunist.
My wife threw a saucer at me because I hadn't completed the science project of our kid until then. Interestingly, he won first prize at school for presenting...
a Flying Saucer.
I put my root beer in a square glass
Now I just have beer
What do you call it when you have to quickly eat a beef dish wrapped in pastry crust?
A brief Wellington
What do you call a glass dinosaur?
Pyrex.
Local glass blower inhaled whilst working. He ended up with a pane in his stomach.