My dad kept calling referring to this mason jar as his “boom box”.
When I asked him why, he responded “I use it for all my jams!”
Part of my alphabetised tea set recently got possessed by a demon.
I’m sure it’s saucer ‘E’.
My father quietly retired from his job as an eye glass manufacturer yesterday.
He didn’t want to make a spectacle.
I was served by a former police officer at my local Applebee’s, I asked for a cup of water and he gave me a cup of ice instead and said
“Just-ice has been served”
They’ve started a collection to open a pool near me. I gave them a glass of water.
I was on a flight and I asked for a glass of water. The cabin crew asked “still?” I said “well, I haven’t changed my mind”.
I gave my dad a mug for his birthday
It said "World's greatest dad". When I gave it to him he looked kind of insulted. Is something wrong with it I asked? He replied, "You spelled 'dad' backwards"
So my daughter is calling me all excited. I come by her room to her holding her cup above her head and says "Dad look..."
"I'm breathing underwater."
What do you call a cat sitting on a platter?
A Platterpuss.
My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought.
It is an extremely rare dish order.
Why did the pony ask for a glass of water?
Because he felt like he was a little horse.
How do you make garlic toast? Lift your glass and talk about the wonderful things it has done.
Did you hear about the man who drowned in a bowl of muesli?
He was dragged down by a currant..
So I heard this joke about glass
But it clearly shouldn’t have been made
What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
Two flies are playing football on a saucer.
They’re practicing for the cup.
My car keeps telling me my door is ajar. It's not a jar you idiot it's a door.
Why did i murder the woman who served me a glass of wine?
Because i wanted tequila.
My kid was having trouble with the peanut butter because the jar was too deep and the knife was too short
I tried to help, but I couldn’t get to the bottom of it
What is the national dish of Sweden?
Swedish.
Instead of a swear jar I have a negativity jar. Everytime I have a pessimistic thought I put a dollar in it.
It's half empty.
I came home and found my wife naked, except for a porcelain mug on each breast.
She said she was a t-cup.
I used to be part of a ten pin league. Our team name was 'Bowl Movement'.
My wife just threw out our computer, shattering all the glass.
I guess she doesn’t like windows.
If I put dull-tasting food in a bowl, will it have a bowlder taste?
What did the plate say to the refrigerator?
"Stay cool. Dinner's on me"
Why did the blind man always use paper cups?
He has no need for glasses.
I put my root beer in a square glass
Now I just have beer
What did the glass say to the window?
"I'm in pane."
Minding my own business, when someone I thought was my friend threw a serving plate full of bumblebees at me.
I was bee-trayed.
Turned down an opportunity to invest in a company making frosted glass balls. Couldn’t see any future in it.
What the Poland man did, after adding German mugs to his collection?
He polished them.
Why did the police arrest a cup of snow?
For just-ice
How do cups get their money?
They mug people.
Why did Don Corleone send back the plate for his coffee cup?
Someone gave him a saucer he could not reuse.
It’s amazing how most jars look alike...
The resemblance is uncanny
What is the dish that likes using the light switch?
StrogONOFF
I thought I checkmated my dad with my new glass set in chess...
But he saw right through it
My biggest problem with having three square meals a day is that all my plates are round.
Was arguing with a friend in a restaurant recently when the waiter ran over and took the plate of garlic bread and the coleslaw. I wish he’d stop taking sides.
Justice is a dish best served cold
Because otherwise it would be justwater.
Local glass blower inhaled whilst working. He ended up with a pane in his stomach.
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
Did you hear about the nun who got into trouble for drinking communion wine from her convent's medieval goblet?
No, but it serves her rite.
A baker fell down the stairs with a platter full of cookies.
As they say, that's the way the cookies crumbled.
What did the home owner say to the mug shot when he put it up on his wall
"You've been framed!"
I said to her, are going to eat that whole plate of spaghetti??
She said: no, it's in pasta bowl
I was looking forward to eat my rice bowl.
But my brother, like always, ate them. And now he's experiencing really bad headaches.
I guess it's because he has a history of having my-grains.
What do you call a stolen jar?
A free mason.
I didn't get this "World's Greatest Dad" mug for nothing.
It cost $14.99