What do you call it when you have to quickly eat a beef dish wrapped in pastry crust?
A brief Wellington
My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought.
It is an extremely rare dish order.
Why was the door glass?
Because the door was ajar
Why did Don Corleone send back the plate for his coffee cup?
Someone gave him a saucer he could not reuse.
What happened to your arm, Greg? And why are you eating that giant bowl of herbs?
"You know what they say, Margaret"
"Thyme heals all wounds".
Minding my own business, when someone I thought was my friend threw a serving plate full of bumblebees at me.
I was bee-trayed.
My bedroom now has a stained glass window....
A pigeon just flew right into it.
I was at a party last night, waiting my turn to get to the punch bowl.
Everyone was being very polite, patient and not barging in. I thought to myself, "At last...
a decent punchline"
What do you call a stolen jar?
A free mason.
What the Poland man did, after adding German mugs to his collection?
He polished them.
What do you call a cat sitting on a platter?
A Platterpuss.
My son told me he can drink a whole glass a whiskey straight.
Personally, I think it's neat.
Someone threw a jar of mayo at me
I yelled what the Hellmann?!
My dad kept calling referring to this mason jar as his “boom box”.
When I asked him why, he responded “I use it for all my jams!”
What side of the mug is the handle on?
The outside.
What is the national dish of Sweden?
Swedish.
What happens when you drink beer from a cup?
You both get drunk.
Local glass blower inhaled whilst working. He ended up with a pane in his stomach.
Got emotional hearing about the role of tectonic plates in earthquakes. It was really moving.
My father quietly retired from his job as an eye glass manufacturer yesterday.
He didn’t want to make a spectacle.
Why did i murder the woman who served me a glass of wine?
Because i wanted tequila.
Turned down an opportunity to invest in a company making frosted glass balls. Couldn’t see any future in it.
What did the home owner say to the mug shot when he put it up on his wall
"You've been framed!"
Why did the police arrest a cup of snow?
For just-ice
A baker fell down the stairs with a platter full of cookies.
As they say, that's the way the cookies crumbled.
My car keeps telling me my door is ajar. It's not a jar you idiot it's a door.
I thought I checkmated my dad with my new glass set in chess...
But he saw right through it
Instead of a swear jar I have a negativity jar. Everytime I have a pessimistic thought I put a dollar in it.
It's half empty.
I was looking forward to eat my rice bowl.
But my brother, like always, ate them. And now he's experiencing really bad headaches.
I guess it's because he has a history of having my-grains.
What do you call a glass dinosaur?
Pyrex.
Why was the jar about to explode?
Cause it was jam-packed!
I used to be part of a ten pin league. Our team name was 'Bowl Movement'.
My kid was having trouble with the peanut butter because the jar was too deep and the knife was too short
I tried to help, but I couldn’t get to the bottom of it
I was served by a former police officer at my local Applebee’s, I asked for a cup of water and he gave me a cup of ice instead and said
“Just-ice has been served”
Did you hear about the nun who got into trouble for drinking communion wine from her convent's medieval goblet?
No, but it serves her rite.
You could say I have an hour glass figure
It takes me an hour to figure out where my glasses are!
Will glass coffins ever become popular?
This remains to be seen.
How do cups get their money?
They mug people.
My wife asked me if I'd seen the dog bowl...
I said I didn't even know he could play.
What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
So my daughter is calling me all excited. I come by her room to her holding her cup above her head and says "Dad look..."
"I'm breathing underwater."
The barman in the pub looked over at me said, "Your glass is empty. Fancy another one?" "
Why would I want two empty glasses?" I asked
If I put dull-tasting food in a bowl, will it have a bowlder taste?
Is plate throwing a trully Olympic sport?
Discuss.
I was on a flight and I asked for a glass of water. The cabin crew asked “still?” I said “well, I haven’t changed my mind”.
Two flies are playing football on a saucer.
They’re practicing for the cup.
Cops should feed beans on very tiny plates to the suspects they're interrogating.
That way they're always gonna end up spilling the beans.
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
A plate of sandwiches walks into a bar. The barman says “we don’t serve food”.
What did the plate say to the refrigerator?
"Stay cool. Dinner's on me"
