Why do Christians in Japan always put an extra cup at the table?
For God's sake.
You could say I have an hour glass figure
It takes me an hour to figure out where my glasses are!
If I put dull-tasting food in a bowl, will it have a bowlder taste?
What do you call someone who labels jars of body parts?
An organiser.
What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
Two flies are playing football on a saucer.
They’re practicing for the cup.
Turned down an opportunity to invest in a company making frosted glass balls. Couldn’t see any future in it.
My bedroom now has a stained glass window....
A pigeon just flew right into it.
What happened to your arm, Greg? And why are you eating that giant bowl of herbs?
"You know what they say, Margaret"
"Thyme heals all wounds".
I was looking forward to eat my rice bowl.
But my brother, like always, ate them. And now he's experiencing really bad headaches.
I guess it's because he has a history of having my-grains.
Justice is a dish best served cold
Because otherwise it would be justwater.
Why was the door glass?
Because the door was ajar
A plate of sandwiches walks into a bar. The barman says “we don’t serve food”.
What the Poland man did, after adding German mugs to his collection?
He polished them.
What do you call a cap to a jar that doesn't fit?
An invalid.
If prisoners could take their own mug shots...
Would they be called cellfies?
I was on a flight and I asked for a glass of water. The cabin crew asked “still?” I said “well, I haven’t changed my mind”.
Minding my own business, when someone I thought was my friend threw a serving plate full of bumblebees at me.
I was bee-trayed.
I came home and found my wife naked, except for a porcelain mug on each breast.
She said she was a t-cup.
I thought I checkmated my dad with my new glass set in chess...
But he saw right through it
So my daughter is calling me all excited. I come by her room to her holding her cup above her head and says "Dad look..."
"I'm breathing underwater."
It’s amazing how most jars look alike...
The resemblance is uncanny
Why did the blind man always use paper cups?
He has no need for glasses.
What is the national dish of Sweden?
Swedish.
So I heard this joke about glass
But it clearly shouldn’t have been made
Why did the police arrest a cup of snow?
For just-ice
How do you make garlic toast? Lift your glass and talk about the wonderful things it has done.
I didn't get this "World's Greatest Dad" mug for nothing.
It cost $14.99
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
Got emotional hearing about the role of tectonic plates in earthquakes. It was really moving.
Why did i murder the woman who served me a glass of wine?
Because i wanted tequila.
Did you hear about the man who drowned in a bowl of muesli?
He was dragged down by a currant..
Dear Optimist, Pessimist and Realist. While you were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.
The Opportunist.
My son told me he can drink a whole glass a whiskey straight.
Personally, I think it's neat.
My dad kept calling referring to this mason jar as his “boom box”.
When I asked him why, he responded “I use it for all my jams!”
My son took his jar collection way too far
When I came home from work I thought the house was robbed because the door was ajar.
Why did Don Corleone send back the plate for his coffee cup?
Someone gave him a saucer he could not reuse.
My wife just threw out our computer, shattering all the glass.
I guess she doesn’t like windows.
What is the dish that likes using the light switch?
StrogONOFF
I said to her, are going to eat that whole plate of spaghetti??
She said: no, it's in pasta bowl
What do you call a glass dinosaur?
Pyrex.
What do you call a decent cup of coffee?
Just an average joe.
What do you call a stolen jar?
A free mason.
How do cups get their money?
They mug people.
My wife threw a saucer at me because I hadn't completed the science project of our kid until then. Interestingly, he won first prize at school for presenting...
a Flying Saucer.
What did the glass say to the window?
"I'm in pane."
My biggest problem with having three square meals a day is that all my plates are round.
What do you call a very sad cup of coffee?
A depresso.
Instead of a swear jar I have a negativity jar. Everytime I have a pessimistic thought I put a dollar in it.
It's half empty.
What do you call it when you have to quickly eat a beef dish wrapped in pastry crust?
A brief Wellington