What time is it when people are throwing pieces of bread at your head?
Time to duck.
What do cats eat for breakfast?
Mice krispies.
What time is it when you have to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurtie.
What do you get if you a cross a card game with a typhoon? Bridge over troubled water.
Did you hear about the hungry clock? It went back four seconds.
Q: Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
A: He was feeling really crumbie!
What do you call a South American girl who is always in a hurry? Urgent Tina
Why did the boy eat his homework? Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake!
What do you call a frozen dog? A pupsicle.
What is it called when a cat wins a dog show? A CAT-HAS-TROPHY!
What the difference between you and a calendar? a calendar has dates.
What did the leopard say after eating his owner? Man, that hit the "spot."
Why did God make only one Yogi Bear? Because when he tried to make a second one he made a Boo-Boo.
What did they baby corn say to the mama corn?
Where’s pop corn?
What kind of lunch do moms never prepare in the morning?
Their own.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
Did you hear about the angry pancake? He just flipped.
What do sea monsters eat? Fish and ships
Why are elephants so wrinkled?
Because they take too long to iron!
Q: What did the dentist get for an award?
A: A little plaque
What do you call a bee that lives in America? USB
Why do watermelons have fancy weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
Who earns a living driving their customers away? A taxi driver. What do you call a laughing jar of mayonnaise? LMAYO
How do you make an Octupus laugh? With ten-tickles
What do bulls do when they go shopping? They CHARGE!
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An Investigator
What do you call an illegally parked frog? Toad.
What do you call a person that chops up cereal. a cereal killer.
What belongs to you but others use more? Your name
What do you call a computer that sings? A-Dell
What kind of emotions do noses feel? Nostralgia. Why did the dog cross the road? To get to the "barking" lot!
What do you call a man with no body and just a nose? Nobody nose.
What do you call a three-footed aardvark? a yardvark!
Why are chefs so mean? They beat eggs and whip cream.
What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck? A. Milk and quackers!
What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter? An irrelephant.
Can February march?
No, but April may.
What kind of bird sticks to sweaters? a Vel-Crow.
What did the painter say to the wall? One more crack like that and I'll plaster you!
What did one wall say to the other wall?
"I’ll meet you at the corner!"
What do you get when you cross Speedy Gonzales with a country singer? Arriba McEntire.
Did you hear about the vampire bicycle that went round biting people's arms off? It was a vicious cycle.
How do you drown a Hipster? In the mainstream.
What kind of shoes do private investigators wear?
Sneak-ers.
Why did Johnny throw the clock out of the window? Because he wanted to see time fly!
What did Bacon say to Tomato? Lettuce get together!
What do you call a snowman with a six pack? An abdominal snowman.
What did the tie say to the hat? You go on ahead and I'll hang around!
What caused the airline to go bankrupt? Runway inflation.
What do you call an 80s synth pop band with a scoop of ice cream? Depeche a la Mode.