Question: What is the oldest animal?
Answer: The Zebra, it's still in black and white!
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Who can shave 10 times a day and still have a beard? A barber.
What has 5 fingers but isn't your hand?
My hand.
What did the femur say to the patella? I kneed you.
Whats the difference between roast beef and pea soup? You can roast beef, but you cant pea soup!
What concert costs 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickleback.
What happened when a faucet, a tomato and lettuce were in a race? The lettuce was ahead, the faucet was running and the tomato was trying to ketchup.
What is considered the tallest building in the world?
The library, because it has so many stories.
Why do watermelons have fancy weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
What do you call a computer that sings? A-Dell
Do you know how many famous men and women were born on your birthday?
None, only babies.
Why did the computer go to the doctor? Because it had a virus!
Why can't you give Elsa a balloon? Because she will Let it go.
What stays in the corner and travels all over the world? A stamp.
What do you call a very religious person that sleep walks? a Roman Catholic
Why don’t you ever see hippopotamus hiding in trees? Because they’re really good at it.
What do you call a book that's about the brain? A mind reader.
Q: What does a dentist do during an earthquake?
A: She braces herself!
What do you call it when your nose is stuffy at the rodeo?
Cowboy Boogie.
What do you call two monkeys sharing an Amazon account?
PRIME-mates.
What’s a good name for a detective?
Mr. E
Why did Harry Potter throw away all his old potions?
They were past their hexpiration date!
Did you hear about the injured vegetable? Some say he got beet.
What Do You Call A Bear With No Teeth? A Gummy Bear
Why did the robber take a bath? Because he wanted to make a clean getaway.
Why did the scientist go to the tanning salon? Because he was a paleontologist.
Why did the tree go to the dentist? To get a root canal.
How did the farmer mend his pants? With cabbage patches!
Where do crayons go on vacation? Color-ado!
Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!
What do you give a dog with a fever? Mustard, its the best thing for a hot dog! What do you get when you cross a cat with a lemon? A sour puss!
What do you call a frozen dog? A pupsicle.
What exam do young witches have to pass? A spell-ing test!
Why was the broom late? It over swept!
Q: What did one tooth say to the other tooth?
A: Thar's gold in them fills!
What do you call a window that raps? 2PANEZ
How does a suit put his child into bed? He tux him in.
Knock, knock
Who’s There?
Annie
Annie Who?
Annie thing you can do, I can do better.
How do you know when a bike is thinking?
You can see its wheels turning.
What does a nosey pepper do? Gets jalapeno business!
Teacher: Use a sentence that starts with "I"
Bobby: I is...
Teacher: No, Bobby. You should say "I am", never "I is".
Bobby: "I am the 9th letter of the alphabet."
Why did the scarecrow win the nobel prize? Because he was outstanding in his field.
Batman walks into a superhero-only pool, he is quickly stopped by a guard, the guard points to a sign that says
"No swimming without supervision."
What belongs to you but others use more? Your name
Knock knock…
Who’s there?
Voodoo.
Voodoo who?
Voodoo you think you are?
Why did the boy feel warm on his birthday?
Because people kept toasting him!
Why was the weightlifter upset?
She worked with dumbbells.
Did you hear about that new broom? It's sweeping the nation!
What do you get if you a cross a card game with a typhoon? Bridge over troubled water.
How do billboards talk?
Sign language.
What is large and rocky at the bottom, small and snowy at the top and has ears?
Give up? A mountain.
Yeah but what about the ears?
You never heard of mountaineers?