How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it!
What do sea monsters eat? Fish and ships
What do you call a man with no body and just a nose? Nobody nose.
What kind of shorts do clouds wear? Thunderwear
What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter? An irrelephant.
Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts. What do you call cheese that is not yours? Nacho Cheese
What do you get when you cross fish and an elephant? Swimming trunks. Where do bees go to the bathroom? At the BP station!
What do you call a condiment with a hit single? a must"heard"
Q: What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear!
What stays in the corner and travels all over the world? A stamp.
Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road?
To go with the traffic jam!
What happened to the wooden car with wooden wheels and wooden engine? it wooden go!
What did the painter say to the wall? One more crack like that and I'll plaster you!
Knock Knock
Who's There?
I eat grape.
I eat grape who?
You eat grey poo!
What's the difference between a cat and a frog? A Cat has nine lives but a Frog croaks every night!
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time
What do birds give out on Halloween?
Tweets.
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.
Why was the robot mad? People kept pushing its buttons.
Can February March? No. But April May.
Why did the man with one hand cross the road? To get to the second hand shop.
Why did the boy feel warm on his birthday?
Because people kept toasting him!
What did one aspiring wig say to the other aspiring wig? I wanna get a head!
Did you hear about the sick juggler? They say he couldnt stop throwing up!
Q: Has your tooth stopped hurting yet?
A: I don't know, the dentist kept it.
What do you call a very religious person that sleep walks? a Roman Catholic
What kind of crackers do firemen like in their soup? Firecrackers!
Q: Did you hear the one about the virus?
A: Never mind, I don't want to spread it around.
What kind of flower doesn't sleep at night? The Day-zzz
Do you know how many famous men and women were born on your birthday?
None, only babies.
What never asks questions but receives a lot of answers? the Telephone.
What do you call a rabbit with fleas? Bugs Bunny!
What has one horn and gives milk? A milk truck.
What do kids play when they can’t play with a phone?
Bored games.
How did the baby tell her mom that she had a wet diaper?
She sent her a pee-mail.
Where does bad light go? PRISM!
How does a suit put his child into bed?
He tux him in.
What did the tie say to the hat? You go on ahead and I'll hang around!
What did the pink panther say when he stepped on the ant? A. deadant deadant deadant deadant.
What did one plate say to the other? Dinners on me
Did you hear about the injured vegetable? Some say he got beet.
What kind of nut doesn’t like money?
Cash ew.
How did the farmer mend his pants? With cabbage patches!
Why did the scarecrow win the nobel prize? Because he was outstanding in his field.
What three candies can you find in every school? Nerds, DumDums, and smarties.
Did you hear about the guy who died when an axe fell on him? The police are calling it an axe-i-dent.
19 and 20 got into a fight.
21.
I’m sick of martial arts.
I have kung flu.
What does a nosey pepper do? Gets jalapeno business!
What do you call a sheep with no head and no legs? A cloud!