What did the femur say to the patella? I kneed you.
What garment are you most likely to spot a house in?
Address
What kind of emotions do noses feel? Nostralgia. Why did the dog cross the road? To get to the "barking" lot!
What event do spiders love to attend?
Webbings.
What do you get when you cross Speedy Gonzales with a country singer? Arriba McEntire.
What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse? Kitty Perry
Why did the man put his money in the freezer? He wanted cold hard cash!
What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room? Odor in the court. What did the fish say when he swam into the wall? Dam!
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers.
What do bulls do when they go shopping? They CHARGE!
What does a cloud wear under his raincoat?
Thunderwear.
What kind of lights did Noah use on the Ark? Flood lights!
Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
Why did the boy eat his homework? Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake!
How do you drown a Hipster? In the mainstream.
What do you get when you cross Sonic The Hedgehog and Curious George? 2 Fast 2 Curious
Did you hear about the new Johnny Depp movie? It's the one rated Arrrr!
Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road?
To go with the traffic jam!
Q: What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear!
Did you hear about the painter who was hospitalized? Reports say it was due to too many strokes.
Why did the banana go to the Doctor? Because it was not peeling well
Did you hear about the Italian chef that died? He pasta way.
How did the farmer mend his pants? With cabbage patches!
What is large and rocky at the bottom, small and snowy at the top and has ears?
Give up? A mountain.
Yeah but what about the ears?
You never heard of mountaineers?
What do you call a gangsta snowman? Froze-T
Did you hear the joke about the roof?
Never mind, it’s over your head.
What has one horn and gives milk?
A milk truck.
How many books can you put in an empty backpack? One! After that its not empty!
Did you hear about the vampire bicycle that went round biting people's arms off? It was a vicious cycle.
How do billboards talk?
Sign language.
Why did the boy feel warm on his birthday?
Because people kept toasting him!
What do you call someone who is afraid of Santa? A Clausterphobic
What stays in the corner and travels all over the world? A stamp.
Why did the girl bring lipstick and eye shadow to school? She had a make-up exam!
What happened to the wooden car with wooden wheels and wooden engine? it wooden go!
Did you hear about the carrot detective? He got to the root of every case.