What season is it when you are on a trampoline? Spring time.
Q: Where does a boat go when it's sick?
A: To the dock!
What belongs to you but others use more? Your name
What do you call leftover aliens? Extra Terrestrials.
A dog went to a telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote: "Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof."
The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog, "There are only nine words here. You could send another 'Woof' for the same price."
"Yea but that would make no sense." replied the dog.
What did the nut say when it was chasing the other nut?
I'm a cashew!
What has one head, one foot and four legs? A Bed
What is the tallest building in the world? The library! It has the most stories!
How do you make an Octupus laugh? With ten-tickles
What kind of crackers do firemen like in their soup? Firecrackers!
How do you know when a bike is thinking?
You can see its wheels turning.
Why did the boy eat his homework? Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake!
Do you know how many famous men and women were born on your birthday?
None, only babies.
Did you hear about the new corduroy pillowcases? Their making headlines...
What kind of lunch do moms never prepare in the morning?
Their own.
Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
Did you hear the joke about the germ? Never mind. I don't want to spread it around
Who cleans the bottom of the ocean? A Mer-Maid
What did the man say to the wall? One more crack like that and I'll plaster ya!
Did you hear about the hairdresser? She dyed.
How do spiders communicate? Through the World Wide Web.
What did the zero say to the eight?
Nice belt!
What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
Did you hear about the sick juggler? They say he couldnt stop throwing up!
Did you know vampires aren’t real?
Unless you Count Dracula.
What do you call an illegally parked frog? Toad.
How did the farmer mend his pants? With cabbage patches!
What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?
A stick.
What time is it when people are throwing pieces of bread at your head?
Time to duck.
What goes through towns, up & over hills, but doesn't move? The road!
Learning how to collect trash wasn’t hard.
I just picked it up as I went along.
What did the father say whilst teaching his kid to tie his shoelaces?
Knot bad
What did the daddy chimney say to the baby chimney? You are to little to smoke!
What do you call cheese that doesn’t belong to you?
Nacho cheese!
What did one aspiring wig say to the other aspiring wig? I wanna get a head!
What do you get when you cross a lawyer with the Godfather? An offer you can't understand.
How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the psycho path.
"Mom look! I’m a 3D printer!"
"Ugh Tommy, close the door when you poop."
What do you call a snowman with a six pack? An abdominal snowman.
Where do boats go when they get sick? The dock
Where do bulls get their messages? On a bull-etin board.
What do you call a horse that can't lose a race? Sherbet
How did the baby tell her mom that she had a wet diaper?
She sent her a pee-mail.
Why shouldn’t you tell secrets in a cornfield?
There are too many ears.
Why was the weightlifter upset?
She worked with dumbbells.
What do lawyers wear to court? Lawsuits!
Did you hear about the new Johnny Depp movie? It's the one rated Arrrr!
Q: How can you tell if an elephant has been in your refrigerator?
By the footprints in the butter!
Why was there thunder and lightning in the lab? The scientists were brainstorming!
Why did the soccer player bring string to the game? So he could tie the score.