What is brown and sticky?
A stick!
Did you hear about the Italian chef that died? He pasta way.
What do you call a pile of kittens a meowntain
What did the snowman ask the other snowman?
Do you smell carrots?
What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?
A stick.
What do you call a book that's about the brain? A mind reader.
If Mississippi bought Virginia a New Jersey, what would Delaware? Idaho... Alaska!
What do you call a Bee who is having a bad hair day? A Frisbee.
Why was the robot mad? People kept pushing its buttons.
What was the seal's favorite subject in school?
ART ART ART!
What kind of shorts do clouds wear? Thunderwear
What scares a caterpillar?
A dog-erpillar!
How do spiders communicate? Through the World Wide Web.
What did the pink panther say when he stepped on the ant? A. deadant deadant deadant deadant.
What do you call a baby monkey? A Chimp off the old block.
What do you call a rabbit with fleas? Bugs Bunny!
Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them
Little Johnny was crying one day, and his dad asked him why.
'I've lost five dollars,' sobbed Johnny.
'Don't worry,' said his dad kindly.'
Here's five more for you,' At this Johnny howled louder than ever.
'Now what is it ?' asked his dad.
'I wish I'd said I'd lost ten dollars!'
When do you stop at green and go at red? When you're eating a watermelon!
How do you know when a bike is thinking?
You can see its wheels turning.
What has one horn and gives milk? A milk truck.
Q: Doctor, I keep hearing a ringing sound.
A: Then answer the phone!
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? SUPPLIES!
What time is it when people are throwing pieces of bread at your head?
Time to duck.
What do you get when you cross Sonic The Hedgehog and Curious George? 2 Fast 2 Curious
What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter? An irrelephant.
Whats the difference between roast beef and pea soup? You can roast beef, but you cant pea soup!
What concert costs 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickleback.
Why were the teacher's eyes crossed? She couldn't control her pupils!
What do birds give out on Halloween?
Tweets.
What happened to the wooden car with wooden wheels and wooden engine? it wooden go!
What does Minnie Mouse drive?
A Minnie van!
What do you call it when your nose is stuffy at the rodeo?
Cowboy Boogie.
Q: What did the dentist get for an award?
A: A little plaque
Why can't a leopard hide? Because he's always spotted!
How do you make a tissue dance? Put a bogey in it.
What's the first thing elves learn in school?
The "elf"-abet!
What's taken before you get it? Your picture.
A bunch of vampire hunters needed to talk
So they scheduled a stakeholders meeting.
What do kids play when they can’t play with a phone?
Bored games.
Did you know vampires aren’t real?
Unless you Count Dracula.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cows go.
Cows go who?
No, cows go MOO!
What’s the difference between a guitar and a fish?
You can tune a guitar but you can’t tunafish.
What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room? Odor in the court. What did the fish say when he swam into the wall? Dam!
What kind of flower doesn't sleep at night? The Day-zzz
Learning how to collect trash wasn’t hard.
I just picked it up as I went along.
Why did the man with one hand cross the road? To get to the second hand shop.
What gets wetter the more it dries? A towel.
Why did Johnny throw the clock out of the window? Because he wanted to see time fly!
What did the beach say to the tide when it came in?
Long time, no sea.
What did the tie say to the hat? A. You go on ahead and I'll hang around