What do you call it when your nose is stuffy at the rodeo?
Cowboy Boogie.
What did the hamburger name his daughter? Patty!
Where does bad light go? PRISM!
What vehicle has 4 wheels and flies?
A garbage truck.
What time is it when you have to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurtie.
What do you call someone who is afraid of Santa? A Clausterphobic
Can February march?
No, but April may.
Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!
Did you hear about the calendar thief? He got 12 months; they say his days are numbered
What did one raindrop say to the other? Two's company, three's a cloud
Why do sharks swim in saltwater?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze!
Why did the robber take a bath? Because he wanted to make a clean getaway.
What did Bacon say to Tomato? Lettuce get together!
What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer!
What happened to the wooden car with wooden wheels and wooden engine? it wooden go!
A dog went to a telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote: "Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof."
The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog, "There are only nine words here. You could send another 'Woof' for the same price."
"Yea but that would make no sense." replied the dog.
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him!
Why do watermelons have fancy weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
What did the femur say to the patella? I kneed you.
What's easy to get into but hard to get out of? Trouble
What did the father say whilst teaching his kid to tie his shoelaces?
Knot bad
What do you call a baby monkey? A Chimp off the old block.
Why didn’t the lamp sink?
It was too light.
What did the earth say to all the other planets?
Wow you guys have no life.
Why are teddy bears never hungry?
They’re always stuffed!
Why does a milking stool have only 3 legs? Because the cow has the utter.
What caused the airline to go bankrupt? Runway inflation.
What do you get when you cross the Godfather with an attorney? An offer you can't understand.
What do you get when you cross Sonic The Hedgehog and Curious George? 2 Fast 2 Curious
Why did the manager hire the marsupial? Because he was koala-fied.
What do you get when you cross fish and an elephant? Swimming trunks. Where do bees go to the bathroom? At the BP station!
What has 5 fingers but isn't your hand?
My hand.
When I was young there were only 25 letters in the Alphabet. Nobody new why.
The opposite of isolate is...
yousoearly.
Why did the scarecrow win the nobel prize? Because he was outstanding in his field.
Did you hear about the circus fire? Yeah, it was in'tents'.
Did you hear about the carrot detective? He got to the root of every case.
Did you hear the joke about the roof?
Never mind, it’s over your head.
Why did the boy tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? He didn't want to wake the sleeping pills!
What do lawyers wear to court? Lawsuits!
Why can't your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot!
What do you call a European Bigfoot?
Bigmeter.
What do you call a magician on a plane? A flying sorcerer!
What is brown and has a head and a tail but no legs? A penny.
Knock, knock
Who’s There?
Annie
Annie Who?
Annie thing you can do, I can do better.
What do you call the new girl at the bank? The Nutella!
What is large and rocky at the bottom, small and snowy at the top and has ears?
Give up? A mountain.
Yeah but what about the ears?
You never heard of mountaineers?
Why did the cookie go to the hospital? He felt crummy!
What do you call a boy who finally stood up to the bullies? An ambulance.
Where do crayons go on vacation? Color-ado!