Did you hear about the party a little boy had for his sisters barbie dolls? A. It was a Barbie-
Where do snowmen keep their money? In snow banks.
How do you make a tissue dance? Put a bogey in it.
Why did the scientist go to the tanning salon? Because he was a paleontologist.
What do you call a horse that can't lose a race? Sherbet
What does Minnie Mouse drive?
A Minnie van!
What's the difference between a cat and a frog? A Cat has nine lives but a Frog croaks every night!
The opposite of isolate is...
yousoearly.
Why did God make only one Yogi Bear? Because when he tried to make a second one he made a Boo-Boo.
Whats the difference between roast beef and pea soup? You can roast beef, but you cant pea soup!
What concert costs 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickleback.
What do you call a rabbit with fleas? Bugs Bunny!
Q: How can you tell if an elephant has been in your refrigerator?
By the footprints in the butter!
Why did Tony go out with a prune? Because he couldn't find a date!
Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance? Because he had no-body to go with.
Q: What did one tonsil say to the other tonsil?
A: I hear the doctor is taking us out tonight!
Why do vampires seem sick?
They’re always coffin.
Did you know a nose cannot be 12 inches long?
Otherwise it’d be a foot!
What has one horn and gives milk? A milk truck.
How do you communicate with a fish? Drop him a line!
What did the alien say to the garden? Take me to your weeder.
What do you get when you cross a lawyer with the Godfather? An offer you can't understand.
What game does the sky love to play?
Twister.
Why did the soccer player bring string to the game? So he could tie the score.
What happened to the wooden car with wooden wheels and wooden engine? it wooden go!
What did a sign say outside the pet shop? Buy 1 dog get 1 flea!
Why did the robber take a bath? Because he wanted to make a clean getaway.
What did the painter say to the wall? One more crack like that and I'll plaster you!
Did you hear about the injured vegetable? Some say he got beet.
What kind of key opens the door on Thanksgiving? A turkey!
How do you repair a broken tomato? Tomato Paste!
Little Johnny was crying one day, and his dad asked him why.
'I've lost five dollars,' sobbed Johnny.
'Don't worry,' said his dad kindly.'
Here's five more for you,' At this Johnny howled louder than ever.
'Now what is it ?' asked his dad.
'I wish I'd said I'd lost ten dollars!'
Did you hear about the paddle sale at the boat store? It was quite an oar deal.
What did the tailor think of her new job? It was sew sew.
What’s a snake’s strongest subject in school?
Hiss-tory.
What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer!
What do you call a gangsta snowman? Froze-T
What four letters will frighten a burglar? O I C U Where does bad light go? To prism!
Why do watermelons have fancy weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
What do kids play when they can’t play with a phone?
Bored games.
How do you make an Octupus laugh? With ten-tickles
Q: What did the judge say to the dentist?
A: Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
Why did the baby strawberry cry? Because his parents were in a jam!
What happened to the dog that swallowed a firefly? It barked with de-light!
Q: What is a dentist's favorite animal?
A: A molar bear!
Why did Johnny throw the clock out of the window? Because he wanted to see time fly!
What’s Thanos’ favorite app to talk to friends?
Snap chat.
What did Bacon say to Tomato? Lettuce get together!
What kind of key opens a banana? A monkey!
Why did the barber win the race? Because he took a short cut.
What goes through towns, up & over hills, but doesn't move? The road!