What is brown and sticky?
A stick!
Have you heard the joke about the butter? I better not tell you, it might spread. How do baseball players stay cool? They sit next to their fans.
What do you call a frozen dog? A pupsicle.
What did the snowman ask the other snowman?
Do you smell carrots?
Why doesn't iron form a good bond with other metals?
Because it has rust issues!
Why shouldn’t you tell secrets in a cornfield?
There are too many ears.
What do you call having your grandma on speed dial? Instagram.
A bunch of vampire hunters needed to talk
So they scheduled a stakeholders meeting.
What do you get when you cross the Godfather with an attorney? An offer you can't understand.
Why can’t you ever tell a joke around glass?
It could crack up.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cows go.
Cows go who?
No, cows go MOO!
Knock, knock
Who’s There?
Annie
Annie Who?
Annie thing you can do, I can do better.
What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter? An irrelephant.
What has one horn and gives milk?
A milk truck.
What’s the most expensive kind of fish?
A gold fish.
The opposite of isolate is...
yousoearly.
Did you hear about the new corduroy pillowcases? Their making headlines...
What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu? If you have bird flu, you need tweetment. If you have swine flu, you need oink-ment.
What word looks the same backwards and upside down? Swims
What do you call a sheep with no head and no legs? A cloud!
Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them
How do spiders communicate? Through the World Wide Web.
Did you hear about the party a little boy had for his sisters barbie dolls? A. It was a Barbie-
Why did Tony go out with a prune? Because he couldn't find a date!
What did the man say to the wall? One more crack like that and I'll plaster ya!
How do billboards talk?
Sign language.
What happened to the dog that swallowed a firefly? It barked with de-light!
Whats the difference between roast beef and pea soup? You can roast beef, but you cant pea soup!
What concert costs 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickleback.
Where do crayons go on vacation? Color-ado!
How do you communicate with a fish? Drop him a line!
What kind of bed does a mermaid sleep in? A water
What did Delaware? a New Jersey
How did Benjamin Franklin feel when he discovered electricity?
Shocked!
Why did the tree go to the dentist? To get a root canal.
What do lawyers wear to court? Lawsuits!
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef Jerky.
"How do you shoot a killer bee?" "With a bee bee gun."
What kind of shorts do clouds wear? Thunderwear
What kind of button won't unbutton? A bellybutton!
What does the Lone Ranger say when he takes out the garbage? To the dump, to the dump, to the dump dump dump.
What do you call a gangsta snowman? Froze-T
What washes up on very small beaches? Microwaves!
Why does a milking stool have only 3 legs? Because the cow has the utter.
Why can't your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot!
What do you call it when your nose is stuffy at the rodeo?
Cowboy Boogie.
What is the difference between a school teacher and a train? The teacher says spit your gum out and the train says "chew chew chew".
When do you stop at green and go at red? When you're eating a watermelon!
What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers.
What’s a good name for a detective?
Mr. E
What has 5 fingers but isn't your hand?
My hand.