Did you hear about the ghost comedian? He was booed off stage.
What do you get when you cross a lawyer with the Godfather? An offer you can't understand.
Why is a baseball team similar to a muffin? They both depend on the batter.
Did you hear about the monster with five legs? His trousers fit him like a glove.
Teacher: Use a sentence that starts with "I"
Bobby: I is...
Teacher: No, Bobby. You should say "I am", never "I is".
Bobby: "I am the 9th letter of the alphabet."
What do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller.
How does a suit put his child into bed?
He tux him in.
Why do sharks swim in saltwater?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze!
"How do you shoot a killer bee?" "With a bee bee gun."
What do you call leftover aliens? Extra Terrestrials.
What does a shark like to eat with peanut butter? Jellyfish!
What do you call a person that chops up cereal. a cereal killer.
What kind of bird sticks to sweaters? a Vel-Crow.
Q: What did the dentist get for an award?
A: A little plaque
What did the earth say to all the other planets?
Wow you guys have no life.
What gets wetter the more it dries? A towel.
What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room? Odor in the court. What did the fish say when he swam into the wall? Dam!
What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck!
Do you know how many famous men and women were born on your birthday?
None, only babies.
What bow can't be tied? A rainbow!
Who can shave 10 times a day and still have a beard? A barber.
Why did the boy sprinkle sugar on his pillow before he went to sleep? So he could have sweet dreams. What do you call a nervous javelin thrower? Shakespeare.
What is it called when a cat wins a dog show? A CAT-HAS-TROPHY! How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogey in it!
What do you call a frozen dog? A pupsicle.
Choose any number between 2 and 7. Multiply by 4 and add 3. Now reverse the digits and close your eyes.
Dark, isn’t it?
Q: Why did the king go to the dentist?
A: To get his teeth crowned!
What has 5 fingers but isn't your hand?
My hand.
Why did the balloon burst? Because is saw a lolly pop.
What pet makes the loudest noise? A trum-pet!
What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?
A stick.
Q: What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear!
Did you hear the joke about the germ? Never mind. I don't want to spread it around
How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight? Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?
What do kids play when they can’t play with a phone?
Bored games.
Have you heard the joke about the butter? I better not tell you, it might spread. How do baseball players stay cool? They sit next to their fans.
Why did the man put his money in the freezer? He wanted cold hard cash!
Did you hear the joke about the roof? Never mind, it's over your head!
Why did the man lose his job at the orange juice factory? He couldn't concentrate!
What did Delaware? a New Jersey
Why did Tony go out with a prune? Because he couldn't find a date!
Why did the cake grow a daisy?
It was made with flower.
What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut? A barbercue
Where do bulls get their messages? On a bull-etin board.
What is a tree's favorite drink? Root beer!
What word looks the same backwards and upside down? Swims
What do you call a boy who finally stood up to the bullies? An ambulance.
What do you call a rabbit with fleas? Bugs Bunny!
What did one wall say to the other wall?
"I’ll meet you at the corner!"
Why is your foot more special than your other body parts? Because they have their own soul. What is heavy forward but not backward? Ton.
What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer!