What do you give a dog with a fever? Mustard, its the best thing for a hot dog! What do you get when you cross a cat with a lemon? A sour puss!
What does the Lone Ranger say when he takes out the garbage? To the dump, to the dump, to the dump dump dump.
Why do birds fly south for the winter? Its easier than walking!
What bow can't be tied? A rainbow!
What do you call it when your nose is stuffy at the rodeo?
Cowboy Boogie.
What do you call a bear with no socks on? Bare-foot.
What do you call a South American girl who is always in a hurry? Urgent Tina
What never asks questions but receives a lot of answers? the Telephone.
Q: What does a dentist do during an earthquake?
A: She braces herself!
Why did God make only one Yogi Bear? Because when he tried to make a second one he made a Boo-Boo.
What do you get if you a cross a card game with a typhoon? Bridge over troubled water.
Little Johnny was crying one day, and his dad asked him why.
'I've lost five dollars,' sobbed Johnny.
'Don't worry,' said his dad kindly.'
Here's five more for you,' At this Johnny howled louder than ever.
'Now what is it ?' asked his dad.
'I wish I'd said I'd lost ten dollars!'
What did the penny say to the other penny? We make perfect cents.
If there’s an invasion army of endless flies attacking, who you gonna call?
The fly S.W.A.T. Team!
Why did the manager hire the marsupial? Because he was koala-fied.
Why does a milking stool have only 3 legs? Because the cow has the utter.
What event do spiders love to attend?
Webbings.
What the difference between you and a calendar? a calendar has dates.
Why do watermelons have fancy weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
Did you know vampires aren’t real?
Unless you Count Dracula.
What did the tie say to the hat? A. You go on ahead and I'll hang around
Did you hear about the hungry clock? It went back four seconds.
What is a tree's favorite drink? Root beer!
Why did the boy eat his homework? Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake!
What did the hamburger name his daughter? Patty!
What do you call having your grandma on speed dial? Instagram.
What do bulls do when they go shopping? They CHARGE!
What does one volcano say to the other?
I lava you!
What’s Thanos’ favorite app to talk to friends?
Snap chat.
What did one raindrop say to the other? Two's company, three's a cloud
What do you call a condiment with a hit single? a must"heard"
What kind of key opens the door on Thanksgiving? A turkey!
Why did the boy tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? He didn't want to wake the sleeping pills!
What did the femur say to the patella? I kneed you.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?
A stick.
What do you call a guy who never farts in public? A private tutor.
What kind of bird sticks to sweaters? a Vel-Crow.
Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato? The lettuce was a "head" and the tomato was trying to "ketchup"!
Knock, knock
Who’s There?
Annie
Annie Who?
Annie thing you can do, I can do better.
What do you call a sheep with no head and no legs? A cloud!
Why was there thunder and lightning in the lab? The scientists were brainstorming!
Why did the cookie go to the hospital? He felt crummy!
What do you get when you plant kisses? Tu-lips (two-lips)
Have you heard the joke about the butter? I better not tell you, it might spread. How do baseball players stay cool? They sit next to their fans.
What goes up when the rain comes down? An umbrella.
Why was the robot mad? People kept pushing its buttons.
Why did the God of Thunder need to stretch his muscles so much when he was a kid?
He was a little Thor.
Why did the man put his money in the freezer? He wanted cold hard cash!
Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them
What caused the airline to go bankrupt? Runway inflation.