Why did the log fall into a creek? Because that's how it ROLLS!
What gets wetter the more it dries? A towel.
Where did the computer go to dance? To a disc-o.
Why are elephants so wrinkled?
Because they take too long to iron!
Little Johnny asked his father, "Dad, can you write in the dark?"
His father said, "I think so. What do you want me to write?"
Little Johnny replied, "Oh, just sign this report card for me..."
What’s a good name for a detective?
Mr. E
How do billboards talk?
Sign language.
What’s the most expensive kind of fish?
A gold fish.
Why is justice best served cold?
Because if it were warm, it would be justwater.
Why was the broom late? It over swept!
Where do snowmen keep their money? In snow banks.
What kind of button won't unbutton? A bellybutton!
What did Delaware? a New Jersey
What pet makes the loudest noise? A trum-pet!
Who earns a living driving their customers away? A taxi driver. What do you call a laughing jar of mayonnaise? LMAYO
Why did the manager hire the marsupial? Because he was koala-fied.
What did Bacon say to Tomato? Lettuce get together!
Did you hear about the vampire bicycle that went round biting people's arms off? It was a vicious cycle.
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Tentacles.
What goes up when the rain comes down? An umbrella.
Why does a milking stool have only 3 legs? Because the cow has the utter.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cows go.
Cows go who?
No, cows go MOO!
What is the best day to go to the beach? Sunday, of course!
Which weighs more, a ton of feathers or a ton of bricks? Neither, they both weigh a ton!
What did one wall say to the other wall?
"I’ll meet you at the corner!"
What do you call a laughing motorcycle? A Yamahahaha
What did the digital watch say to his grandfather? Look grandpa no hands!
Why did the barber win the race? Because he took a short cut.
What happened to the wooden car with wooden wheels and wooden engine? it wooden go!
What's easy to get into but hard to get out of? Trouble
What starts with a P, ends with an E, and has a million letters in it? Post Office!
What did the tie say to the hat? A. You go on ahead and I'll hang around
Why did the computer break up with the internet? There was no "Connection".
Why is your foot more special than your other body parts? Because they have their own soul. What is heavy forward but not backward? Ton.
Why did the insomniac man get arrested? He resisted a rest
Why don’t you ever see hippopotamus hiding in trees? Because they’re really good at it.
What garment are you most likely to spot a house in?
Address
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
Q: Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
A: He was feeling really crumbie!
What do you call a baby monkey? A Chimp off the old block.
Why shouldn’t you tell secrets in a cornfield?
There are too many ears.
What did the triangle say to the circle? Your pointless!
Why did the cross-eyed teacher lose her job? Because she couldn't control her pupils?
A dog went to a telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote: "Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof."
The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog, "There are only nine words here. You could send another 'Woof' for the same price."
"Yea but that would make no sense." replied the dog.
Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them
"How do you shoot a killer bee?" "With a bee bee gun."
What did the father say whilst teaching his kid to tie his shoelaces?
Knot bad
Can February march?
No, but April may.
What happened to the dog that swallowed a firefly? It barked with de-light!
Q: Doctor, I keep hearing a ringing sound.
A: Then answer the phone!