Did you hear about the paper boy? He blew away
Why did God make only one Yogi Bear? Because when he tried to make a second one he made a Boo-Boo.
What do you call two fat people having a chat? A heavy discussion
Who cleans the bottom of the ocean? A Mer-Maid
Q: Where does a boat go when it's sick?
A: To the dock!
What did the stamp say to the envelope? Stick with me and we will go places!
What kind of lunch do moms never prepare in the morning?
Their own.
What gets wetter the more it dries? A towel.
Did you hear about the guy who died when an axe fell on him? The police are calling it an axe-i-dent.
Where do cows go on December 31st?
A moo year’s eve party.
What garment are you most likely to spot a house in?
Address
What did the little mountain say to the big mountain? Hi Cliff! Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward. That's just how I roll.
How does a suit put his child into bed? He tux him in.
What game does the sky love to play?
Twister.
Did you hear the joke about the germ? Never mind. I don't want to spread it around
What’s the most expensive kind of fish?
A gold fish.
Why does a hummingbird hum? It doesn't know the words!
Where do boats go when they get sick? The dock
What do you call a boy who finally stood up to the bullies? An ambulance.
Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? In case they get a hole in one!
Why can't you take a nap during a race? Because if you snooze, you loose!
What Do You Call A Bear With No Teeth? A Gummy Bear
What bow can't be tied? A rainbow!
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
What goes through towns, up & over hills, but doesn't move? The road!
Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? He wanted to get to the bottom.
What do you call a horse that can't lose a race? Sherbet
What did the blanket say to the bed? Don't worry, I've got you covered!
Why is Basketball such a messy sport? Because you dribble on the floor!
Why did the barber win the race? Because he took a short cut.
Which month do soldiers hate most? The month of March!
What do you call sad coffee?" Despresso.
What do cats eat for breakfast? Mice Crispies!
What can you serve but never eat? A volleyball.
What’s a snake’s strongest subject in school?
Hiss-tory.
Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts. What do you call cheese that is not yours? Nacho Cheese
What runs but doesn't get anywhere? A refrigerator.
Why did the banana go to the Doctor? Because it was not peeling well
Why did the hot dog turn down a chance to star in a major motion picture? None of the rolls (roles) were good enough.
Why do sharks swim in saltwater?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze!
Why did the boy eat his homework? Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake!
Why do vampires seem sick?
They’re always coffin.
Why is a baseball team similar to a muffin? They both depend on the batter.
How many books can you put in an empty backpack? One! After that its not empty!
Can February March? No. But April May.
How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight? Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?
What do you do if someone rolls their eyes at you?
Roll them back.
Did you hear about the limo driver who went 25 years without a customer? All that time and nothing to chauffeur it.
Knock, knock
Who’s There?
Annie
Annie Who?
Annie thing you can do, I can do better.
What do you call a Bee who is having a bad hair day? A Frisbee.