What is the energy provider’s favorite dance? The electric slide.”
In the old times, the medieval kings and queens would only visit the dentist just before their coronation. This is because they wanted their teeth crowned!
If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed.
Good science always checks itself before it wrecks itself.
For the last two weeks my kids have been building a medieval blanket fort every evening to sleep in. Many nights they also stayed up past their bedtime playing fortnight under its protective cover.
It was a night knight fort for Fortnight for a fortnight.
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
What bird regales you with stories of middle earth, knights, and allegory?
Bard owl.
There's this video game about an FBI psychologist hunting a Viking Angel of Death....
I believe it's named Valkyrie's Profile.
I wonder why Lenin didn't realize that communism would fail to work. There were so many red flags everywhere.
Where do light bulbs go shopping? The outlet stores.”
What type of flowers does everybody have? two-lips.
Did you hear about the urologist who became an aerospace engineer?
He developed an incontinental ballistic missile.
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
Every time I hang out my laundry, I can't resist singing "Nine to Five" ...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
Medieval Kings and Queens were afraid of the rain in the middle ages because the rain would storm the castle.
What do you call a light bulb at midnight?
A Night Light.
Why did the man eat the light bulb? He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.”
What did the male stamen say to the female pistil? "I like your style."
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
As a refrigerator technician, after a hard day on the job, I like to relax...
And chill out.
I like my wine like I like my medieval cities.
Fortified.
What is the reproductive area in South America? Spermatagonia.
What did the lamp say to the flickering candle?
"Do you want to go out sometime soon?"
When hydrogen got arrested they told him he had one phone call.
He replied: "Call who? I don't have a family!"
Which cheese surrounds a medieval castle?
Moatzarella.
What did the man say after he came out of the walk-in freezer?
"That experience was chilling."
Asked my boy to boil the kettle.
He said, "wouldn't it be better to boil some water?"
What is a knight who has traveled all across the earth with a ship known as? He is known as Sir Cumnavigator.
What is blood's message to the world? B POSITIVE.
What do you do with dead geologists?
You barium.
My Physics teacher said I have no potential.
Joke's on her, I just bought a ladder.
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
What do Vikings call the people that cut their hair?
Barberians.
My wife asked, “If someone’s body just isn’t fighting the virus, would getting the vaccine help?”
I told her I think it’s worth a shot.
An electrolyte and a solvent are talking in jail.
Solvent: What are you in for?
Electrolyte: A salt charge.
What do you call a regular potato broadcasting sports?
A common tater.
Why did the electricity documentary get such mixed reviews?
People weren’t sure how to feel after it’s shocking ending.
At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, “What happened before The Big Bang?”
He said, “Sorry. There is no time.”
The superconductor left without resistance.
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
What is the name of the device that the king uses to control the moat around his castle? A remoat control.
I hear there's a new COVID-19 vaccine delivered via an audio interface as music.
It is hoped that this will lead to heard immunity.
An atom loses an electron...
It says, "man, I really gotta keep an ion them."
Where does a Viking keep their baby?
In the Norsery."
Why did George Washington have sleeping problems? Because he is unable to lie.
Old Software Engineers Never Die...
They just reboot.
The knight fell very sick over the weekend. He had a running temperature and was feeling very nauseous. The doctor called it the Saturday Knight Fever.