What do you call a Smart TV?
In-telly-gent.
Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common?
Because they’ll never meet.
Watson: Holmes, What kind of rock is this?
Holmes: Sedimentary, my dear Watson.
Why are obtuse angles so depressed?
Because they’re never right.
After suffering weak gain at the poles, the National Transistor Party has been trying to energize their base.
How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
Why did the two 4’s skip lunch?
They already 8!
After which knight is a town in England named? Sir Rey!
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
Organ donors really put their heart into it.
A burglar stole all my lamps.
I should be upset, but I’m delighted
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th.
Napoleon conquered too much lang because he had too little Toulouse.
How do you use an ancient Egyptian doorbell?
Toot-and-come-in.
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
I tried to taste the hot light bulb
But I got my tungstenned.
How do you identify a bald eagle? All his feathers are combed over to one side.
What did the nerdy duckling say ?
Quark Quark.
Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
My wife told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!”...
so I turned on the closed captioning.
I'm reading a book about metal fasteners.
Riveting stuff.
Why shouldn’t you let a geologist drive your car?
Because they get hammered and stoned.
What do you call a stunt rider from the 1200's?
Medieval Knievel
Why do physics professors prefer overweight students?
They have greater potential.
The Covid-19 vaccine should be tested on politicians first...
If they survive, the vaccine is safe.
If they don't, the country is safe.
A teacher asks one of their pupils, "Can you describe Napoleon"s origin?"
The pupil replies, "Course I can." (Corsican)
Why do fluorescent lights hum? Because they can’t remember the words.”
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there is no point!
A guy walks into the bank, pulls out a gun, points it at the teller and screams, “Give me all your money or you’re geography!” The teller replies, “Don’t you mean history?”
The robber screams, “Don’t change the subject!"
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
How did one become a medieval executioner?
You had to axe nicely.
I studied archeology
Now my life is in ruins.
What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
If Roman Emperor Nero was born in Egypt..
He might have been a Far-o.
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
My history teacher is a communist, so I made lots of references to the Soviet Union in my essay.
I got full marx.
Did you know that back in medieval times, soldiers would sleep with lanterns next to them so they could see if something happened.
They were called "Knight Lights"
What happens when you keep reading geology jokes in your free time?
You know that you have really hit rock bottom.
My friend called and said he was sick of his fireplace exhaust vent...
Sounds like another case of the flue.
What veggie should you avoid buying if your fridge is tiny?
Fungi. They take up too mushroom.
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
Immanuel doesn't pun, he Kant.
What do you call a bad electrician? A shock absorber!
I keep asking my physics teacher "what is the unit for power?"
But he just saying "Yes."
In medieval times, what were people who worked in banks known as? They were known as fortune-tellers!
What do you call a sick Egyptian?
Sir Cough-a-gus
The castle and court of Camelot were famous for their knight-life.
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
I went to shop for a toaster. The sailsman showed me all the fancy features.
I said "wow, that's cool!"
And he replied, "Sorry ma'am,it can only warm"