I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
What type of fish do two sodium atoms make?
2Na.
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
How did Julius Caesar like his water?
Rome temperature.
Lance is an uncommon name nowadays but in medieval times...
people were called Lance a lot.
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
What do you call a stunt rider from the 1200's?
Medieval Knievel
Two red blood cells met and fell in love, but alas, it was all in vein.
Why was the software engineer bankrupt? He’d used all his cache.
Where do Vikings go when they get old?
The Norsing home.
The loveliest subject in schools History because it has so many dates.
Medieval Kings and Queens were afraid of the rain in the middle ages because the rain would storm the castle.
What's a Vikings favourite dance?
The Loki cokey.
Just bought a vacuum cleaner, from a Buddhist selling them door to door. I should have known better..
It came with no attachments.
How would you describe a stinky chemist?
Mole-odorous
Why are geologists good at stand up comedy?
They know really “dirty” jokes.
Who led the Australians into the promised land, through a semipermeable membrane?
Ozmoses.
What was the nickname for the knight who ruled the fort?
"Fortnite"
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
Do you find bone puns humerus?
Why was the knight fighting the tournament with a sword made from cheddar cheese? Because the cheese was extra sharp!
Physics student asks to go to bathroom.
Professor asks "Liquid, Solid or Gas?"
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
My dad used to crack jokes standing above our fireplace.
Now he's passed the mantle on to me.
I like my wine like I like my medieval cities.
Fortified.
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
Why shouldn't you let a geologist drive your car?
Because they get hammered and stoned.
Looking for a boyfriend in engineering: the odds are good, but the goods are odd.
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
One night, a Viking called Rudolph the red was looking out of his window when he suddenly said, "It's going to rain."
His wife asked, "How do you know?"
"Because Rudolph the red knows rain, dear."
Dwayne Johnson is studying his family history
Is that Genealogy or Geology?
Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.
Why did the king order his new castle be built in the evening?
For the night knights!
Did you hear about the zygote that joined the army?
I heard he was diploid.
What is the energy provider’s favorite dance? The electric slide.”
A good air conditioner is worth its weight in cold.
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 or 500 in Roman numerals.
I M L I VI D
Why is wind power popular? Because it has a lot of fans!”
Did you know that back in medieval times, soldiers would sleep with lanterns next to them so they could see if something happened.
They were called "Knight Lights"
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
What did the gladiator say when he was surrounded by nearly 100 men?
IC
Every time I hang out my laundry, I can't resist singing "Nine to Five" ...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
Did you hear about the famous microbiologist who traveled in thirty different countries and learned to speak six languages? He was a man of many cultures.
I was pretty mad when the air conditioner stopped working...
I lost my cool.
What did the Italian marine Biologist say when asked to identify an eel?
That's a moray!
In ancient Egypt if you held a stinging insect you were thought to be very attractive
Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
