What do a phone and an engaged girl have in common? They both have rings.
What happens if you cross a night crawler with a telephone? You get Ringworm!
How did Sam win the talent show? Sam-sung.
What did the therapist say to the angry client when their cell phone battery died?
I suggest you find an outlet!
Apple is announcing a new cell phone for children.
iKid you not.
I almost got in trouble because I tried to talk to someone in the same room as me over the phone...
...It was a close call.
I swear I was born in the wrong generation. Nowadays everyone is addicted to their phones.
I wish I was born in the 80's when everyone was addicted to Cocaine.
What do cell phones order at dinner?
Apps.
What happens when you cross an iron with a telephone? You get a smooth signal.
Why didn't the cell phone wear his glasses? He lost his contacts.
Since getting sober, I decided to go with the cheapest cell phone provider I can find!
Way fewer bars!!!
Wel'l Wel'l Wel'l - if it isn't autocorrect.
Did you hear about the cell phone that got arrested?
It was charged with battery.
I left my phone under my pillow last night and woke up to coins underneath it. It must have been the Blue-tooth fairy.
My dad enjoys writing jokes and storing them on my phone. He calls it his Dad-a-base.
I did it! Dad said to save my money til my balance looks like a phone number.....
Available balance: $9.11.
I got a new cell phone for my wife...
Pretty awesome trade if you ask me!
Why does Mr. Potato need a cell phone? Incase Mr. Onion Rings.
Why don't skeletons have a mobile? They don't have any body to talk to.
What do you call a loud conversation? A megaphone.
I was on the phone with my wife and said, "I'm almost home, honey, please put the coffee maker on." After a twenty-second pause, I asked, "You still there, sweetheart?"
"Yeah," she replied. "But I don't think the coffee maker wants to talk right now"
I want to tell you one more painful phone pun but I decided it's uncalled for.
What is a phone's favorite TV show? Game of Phones.
If they could prove cell phones give deadly radiation
You could say to people you don't like "cant talk right now, you're giving me cancer".
How come an owl turns his cell phone off at night? So he doesn't get any hooty calls.
My cell phone got drunk.
It took too many screenshots.
Why did a pirate leave the boat to get his forgotten cell phone? Booty calls.
While I was driving, I saw another person driving while talking on his cell phone.
I got so mad, I threw my beer at him.
Cell phones are a static symbol.
I fell asleep on my phone the other day. It downloaded a nap.
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
"...a TOE TRUCK!!??"
What kind of phone does a burglar use?
A no-key-a.
You know you're texting too much when...
you try to text, but you're on a landline!
How does a pirate communicate? With his aye phone.
What did the thrifty man say when he got his phone bill? "Who says talk is cheap?"
I phoned OK magazine the other day. They answered and said "Hello?", so I said "Sorry, wrong number," and hung up.
You might be able to use a smuggled cell phone in prison.
You just have to have cell coverage.
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?
They were Prime mates!
Why did the telecommuter quit her job? Because talk is cheap.
My mobile phone has a tuneless ring tone. It's chordless.
How did the mobile phone propose to his girlfriend?
He gave her a ring
I asked my son to go get me a phone book. He laughed, called me a dinosaur, and handed me his iPhone.
The spider is dead, the iPhone screen is cracked, and my son is furious!
What is an unlimited phone plan? A limit cannot be charged.
Autocorrect has become my worst enema.
What do you call a fake Nokia? A phone-y of course.
I like to write jokes down and store them on my phone, so that I can tell them to him later.
I call it my Dad-abase.