My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
"...a TOE TRUCK!!??"
What brand of hand soap do telephone operators use? Dial.
What is a phone's favorite TV show? Game of Phones.
What do you call a fake Nokia? A phone-y of course.
Why did a pirate leave the boat to get his forgotten cell phone? Booty calls.
What do you call a loud conversation? A megaphone.
How come an owl turns his cell phone off at night? So he doesn't get any hooty calls.
Why didn't the cell phone wear his glasses? He lost his contacts.
If they could prove cell phones give deadly radiation
You could say to people you don't like "cant talk right now, you're giving me cancer".
What did the girl say when she got a fake call? "I think that call was phoney".
Why did the telecommuter lose his job? He had to many hang ups.
What group of people always had the highest cell phone bills?
The Romans.
While I was driving, I saw another person driving while talking on his cell phone.
I got so mad, I threw my beer at him.
What do you call a bald spot on a cell phone salesperson?
A gap in coverage.
What happens if you cross a night crawler with a telephone? You get Ringworm!
I fell asleep on my phone the other day. It downloaded a nap.
Since getting sober, I decided to go with the cheapest cell phone provider I can find!
Way fewer bars!!!
What did the phone say to begin the race?
On your marks, handset, go!
I deleted all my German friends from my cell phone contact list.
Now I'm Hanns free.
I was on the phone with my wife and said, "I'm almost home, honey, please put the coffee maker on." After a twenty-second pause, I asked, "You still there, sweetheart?"
"Yeah," she replied. "But I don't think the coffee maker wants to talk right now"
I phoned OK magazine the other day. They answered and said "Hello?", so I said "Sorry, wrong number," and hung up.
What is an unlimited phone plan? A limit cannot be charged.
My cell phone got drunk.
It took too many screenshots.
Someone just called my phone, sneezed and then just hung up.
I am getting sick and tired of these cold calls.
Why don't birds make cell phone calls? They might accidentally wing the wrong number.
I almost had a predicament trying to call someone in the same room as me. It was a close call.
I got a new cell phone for my wife...
Pretty awesome trade if you ask me!
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?
They were Prime mates!
What did the therapist say to the angry client when their cell phone battery died?
I suggest you find an outlet!
Why did the telecommuter quit her job? Because talk is cheap.
Why don't skeletons have a mobile? They don't have any body to talk to.
I was testing the speaker phone on the intercom on our landline with my father yesterday.
It started to make that annoying noise. My old man said it was too close to call.
I want to tell you one more painful phone pun but I decided it's uncalled for.
Where do phones like to travel?
To the Great Call of China!
What do a phone and an engaged girl have in common? They both have rings.
Wel'l Wel'l Wel'l - if it isn't autocorrect.
What do cell phones order at dinner?
Apps.
I swear I was born in the wrong generation. Nowadays everyone is addicted to their phones.
I wish I was born in the 80's when everyone was addicted to Cocaine.
Why did the hobbit set his cell phone to vibrate?
He was afraid the ring would give him away.
What is a tiny cell phone called? A microphone.
My mobile phone has a tuneless ring tone. It's chordless.
Cell phones are a static symbol.
How does the cell phone call his girlfriend on Valentine's Day? He gives her a ring.
I like to write jokes down and store them on my phone, so that I can tell them to him later.
I call it my Dad-abase.
My husband asked me to sync his phone. So I threw it in the sea - not sure why he is upset.
How did Sam win the talent show? Sam-sung.