What happens if you cross a night crawler with a telephone? You get Ringworm!
Why did a pirate leave the boat to get his forgotten cell phone? Booty calls.
I phoned OK magazine the other day. They answered and said "Hello?", so I said "Sorry, wrong number," and hung up.
What happens when you cross an iron with a telephone? You get a smooth signal.
What do you call a bald spot on a cell phone salesperson?
A gap in coverage.
Wel'l Wel'l Wel'l - if it isn't autocorrect.
I almost got in trouble because I tried to talk to someone in the same room as me over the phone...
...It was a close call.
What is an unlimited phone plan? A limit cannot be charged.
Autocorrect has become my worst enema.
While I was driving, I saw another person driving while talking on his cell phone.
I got so mad, I threw my beer at him.
My wife and I got married under a cell phone tower.
The ceremony wasn't great, but the reception was perfect.
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?
They were Prime mates!
4G, or not 4G, that is the question.
How come an owl turns his cell phone off at night? So he doesn't get any hooty calls.
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
"...a TOE TRUCK!!??"
Why is it so hard to contact a pirate? He leaves his phone off the hooks.
I want to tell you one more painful phone pun but I decided it's uncalled for.
I swear I was born in the wrong generation. Nowadays everyone is addicted to their phones.
I wish I was born in the 80's when everyone was addicted to Cocaine.
What happened to the girl's phone when she was getting a perm done? She got a frizzy signal.
How does the cell phone call his girlfriend on Valentine's Day? He gives her a ring.
Why does Mr. Potato need a cell phone? Incase Mr. Onion Rings.
You didn't hear the joke about cell phones?
Probably because it had a bad reception.
How come the mummy doesn't want a telephone? Because he always gets too wrapped up on his calls.
How did Sam win the talent show? Sam-sung.
Mobile phones have been around longer than people think.
I was watching this film the other day and heard Sir Lancelot ask someone to fetch his charger.
My cell phone got drunk.
It took too many screenshots.
I left my phone under my pillow last night and woke up to coins underneath it. It must have been the Blue-tooth fairy.
If they could prove cell phones give deadly radiation
You could say to people you don't like "cant talk right now, you're giving me cancer".
What is a phone's favorite TV show? Game of Phones.
I almost had a predicament trying to call someone in the same room as me. It was a close call.
What group of people always had the highest cell phone bills?
The Romans.
Did you hear about the cell phone that got arrested?
It was charged with battery.
I like to write jokes down and store them on my phone, so that I can tell them to him later.
I call it my Dad-abase.
Why did the telecommuter lose his job? He had to many hang ups.
Why did the hobbit set his cell phone to vibrate?
He was afraid the ring would give him away.
I was on the phone with my wife and said, "I'm almost home, honey, please put the coffee maker on." After a twenty-second pause, I asked, "You still there, sweetheart?"
"Yeah," she replied. "But I don't think the coffee maker wants to talk right now"
I would not be able to picture myself without having a camera phone.
Cell phones are a static symbol.
Apple is announcing a new cell phone for children.
iKid you not.
I deleted all my German friends from my cell phone contact list.
Now I'm Hanns free.
Since getting sober, I decided to go with the cheapest cell phone provider I can find!
Way fewer bars!!!
How does a pirate communicate? With his aye phone.
I asked my son to go get me a phone book. He laughed, called me a dinosaur, and handed me his iPhone.
The spider is dead, the iPhone screen is cracked, and my son is furious!
Why didn't the cell phone wear his glasses? He lost his contacts.
How did the mobile phone propose to his girlfriend?
He gave her a ring
Why don't birds make cell phone calls? They might accidentally wing the wrong number.
I named my phone "The Titanic" because it's always syncing.
What brand of hand soap do telephone operators use? Dial.
What did the thrifty man say when he got his phone bill? "Who says talk is cheap?"
You might be able to use a smuggled cell phone in prison.
You just have to have cell coverage.