I would not be able to picture myself without having a camera phone.
I phoned OK magazine the other day. They answered and said "Hello?", so I said "Sorry, wrong number," and hung up.
I deleted all my German friends from my cell phone contact list.
Now I'm Hanns free.
A friend of mine has a mobile phone shaped like an Italian dumpling. It's a gnocchia.
Why did a pirate leave the boat to get his forgotten cell phone? Booty calls.
I named my phone "The Titanic" because it's always syncing.
What did the thrifty man say when he got his phone bill? "Who says talk is cheap?"
Mobile phones have been around longer than people think.
I was watching this film the other day and heard Sir Lancelot ask someone to fetch his charger.
Cell phones are a static symbol.
If they could prove cell phones give deadly radiation
You could say to people you don't like "cant talk right now, you're giving me cancer".
Why did the telecommuter quit her job? Because talk is cheap.
How does a pirate communicate? With his aye phone.
I did it! Dad said to save my money til my balance looks like a phone number.....
Available balance: $9.11.
Why don't skeletons have a mobile? They don't have any body to talk to.
How can someone tell if a bee is on their phone? They'll get a buzzy signal.
How did Sam win the talent show? Sam-sung.
Did you hear about the cell phone that got arrested?
It was charged with battery.
What kind of phone does a burglar use?
A no-key-a.
My wife and I got married under a cell phone tower.
The ceremony wasn't great, but the reception was perfect.
Someone just called my phone, sneezed and then just hung up.
I am getting sick and tired of these cold calls.
How does the cell phone call his girlfriend on Valentine's Day? He gives her a ring.
4G, or not 4G, that is the question.
I almost had a predicament trying to call someone in the same room as me. It was a close call.
What is a phone's favorite TV show? Game of Phones.
I swear I was born in the wrong generation. Nowadays everyone is addicted to their phones.
I wish I was born in the 80's when everyone was addicted to Cocaine.
While I was driving, I saw another person driving while talking on his cell phone.
I got so mad, I threw my beer at him.
Why is it so hard to contact a pirate? He leaves his phone off the hooks.
Why does Mr. Potato need a cell phone? Incase Mr. Onion Rings.
What happens if you cross a night crawler with a telephone? You get Ringworm!
Wel'l Wel'l Wel'l - if it isn't autocorrect.
The umpire kept answering his phone during the softball game.
He said he didn't want to miss any calls.
Why did the hobbit set his cell phone to vibrate?
He was afraid the ring would give him away.
I want to tell you one more painful phone pun but I decided it's uncalled for.
My dad enjoys writing jokes and storing them on my phone. He calls it his Dad-a-base.
Since getting sober, I decided to go with the cheapest cell phone provider I can find!
Way fewer bars!!!
I asked my son to go get me a phone book. He laughed, called me a dinosaur, and handed me his iPhone.
The spider is dead, the iPhone screen is cracked, and my son is furious!
What did the girl say when she got a fake call? "I think that call was phoney".
Autocorrect has become my worst enema.
I almost got in trouble because I tried to talk to someone in the same room as me over the phone...
...It was a close call.
What group of people always had the highest cell phone bills?
The Romans.
What do a phone and an engaged girl have in common? They both have rings.
You know you're texting too much when...
you try to text, but you're on a landline!
How did the mobile phone propose to his girlfriend?
He gave her a ring
I fell asleep on my phone the other day. It downloaded a nap.
What did the phone say to begin the race?
On your marks, handset, go!
Just received Areal Flood Advisory notification on my phone
I should hope it's a real one, the fake ones are just annoying.
I was on the phone with my wife and said, "I'm almost home, honey, please put the coffee maker on." After a twenty-second pause, I asked, "You still there, sweetheart?"
"Yeah," she replied. "But I don't think the coffee maker wants to talk right now"
What did the therapist say to the angry client when their cell phone battery died?
I suggest you find an outlet!
Apple is announcing a new cell phone for children.
iKid you not.
My cell phone got drunk.
It took too many screenshots.