Why did the telecommuter quit her job? Because talk is cheap.
How does a pirate communicate? With his aye phone.
Why didn't the cell phone wear his glasses? He lost his contacts.
If they could prove cell phones give deadly radiation
You could say to people you don't like "cant talk right now, you're giving me cancer".
I almost had a predicament trying to call someone in the same room as me. It was a close call.
I phoned OK magazine the other day. They answered and said "Hello?", so I said "Sorry, wrong number," and hung up.
How does the cell phone call his girlfriend on Valentine's Day? He gives her a ring.
I almost got in trouble because I tried to talk to someone in the same room as me over the phone...
...It was a close call.
What do you call a loud conversation? A megaphone.
What did the phone say to begin the race?
On your marks, handset, go!
Why did the telecommuter lose his job? He had to many hang ups.
Since getting sober, I decided to go with the cheapest cell phone provider I can find!
Way fewer bars!!!
Why is it so hard to contact a pirate? He leaves his phone off the hooks.
I was testing the speaker phone on the intercom on our landline with my father yesterday.
It started to make that annoying noise. My old man said it was too close to call.
What do a phone and an engaged girl have in common? They both have rings.
I named my phone "The Titanic" because it's always syncing.
I deleted all my German friends from my cell phone contact list.
Now I'm Hanns free.
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?
They were Prime mates!
I got a new cell phone for my wife...
Pretty awesome trade if you ask me!
What is a phone's favorite TV show? Game of Phones.
Apple is announcing a new cell phone for children.
iKid you not.
Cell phones are a static symbol.
Why does Mr. Potato need a cell phone? Incase Mr. Onion Rings.
Mobile phones have been around longer than people think.
I was watching this film the other day and heard Sir Lancelot ask someone to fetch his charger.
Where do phones like to travel?
To the Great Call of China!
You know you're texting too much when...
you try to text, but you're on a landline!
I was on the phone with my wife and said, "I'm almost home, honey, please put the coffee maker on." After a twenty-second pause, I asked, "You still there, sweetheart?"
"Yeah," she replied. "But I don't think the coffee maker wants to talk right now"
What do cell phones order at dinner?
Apps.
What do you call a bald spot on a cell phone salesperson?
A gap in coverage.
You might be able to use a smuggled cell phone in prison.
You just have to have cell coverage.
My husband asked me to sync his phone. So I threw it in the sea - not sure why he is upset.
How can someone tell if a bee is on their phone? They'll get a buzzy signal.
Wel'l Wel'l Wel'l - if it isn't autocorrect.
What happens if you cross a night crawler with a telephone? You get Ringworm!
I like to write jokes down and store them on my phone, so that I can tell them to him later.
I call it my Dad-abase.
I asked my son to go get me a phone book. He laughed, called me a dinosaur, and handed me his iPhone.
The spider is dead, the iPhone screen is cracked, and my son is furious!
What kind of phone does a burglar use?
A no-key-a.
Autocorrect has become my worst enema.
The umpire kept answering his phone during the softball game.
He said he didn't want to miss any calls.
What happened to the girl's phone when she was getting a perm done? She got a frizzy signal.
4G, or not 4G, that is the question.
Why don't birds make cell phone calls? They might accidentally wing the wrong number.
My cell phone got drunk.
It took too many screenshots.
Why did a pirate leave the boat to get his forgotten cell phone? Booty calls.
Why did the hobbit set his cell phone to vibrate?
He was afraid the ring would give him away.
What brand of hand soap do telephone operators use? Dial.
What is an unlimited phone plan? A limit cannot be charged.
Why don't skeletons have a mobile? They don't have any body to talk to.
Just received Areal Flood Advisory notification on my phone
I should hope it's a real one, the fake ones are just annoying.
How come the mummy doesn't want a telephone? Because he always gets too wrapped up on his calls.