Autocorrect has become my worst enema.
Why is it so hard to contact a pirate? He leaves his phone off the hooks.
Just received Areal Flood Advisory notification on my phone
I should hope it's a real one, the fake ones are just annoying.
Why does Mr. Potato need a cell phone? Incase Mr. Onion Rings.
I was on the phone with my wife and said, "I'm almost home, honey, please put the coffee maker on." After a twenty-second pause, I asked, "You still there, sweetheart?"
"Yeah," she replied. "But I don't think the coffee maker wants to talk right now"
How can someone tell if a bee is on their phone? They'll get a buzzy signal.
Why did a pirate leave the boat to get his forgotten cell phone? Booty calls.
You know you're texting too much when...
you try to text, but you're on a landline!
I fell asleep on my phone the other day. It downloaded a nap.
My husband asked me to sync his phone. So I threw it in the sea - not sure why he is upset.
What group of people always had the highest cell phone bills?
The Romans.
Since getting sober, I decided to go with the cheapest cell phone provider I can find!
Way fewer bars!!!
I swear I was born in the wrong generation. Nowadays everyone is addicted to their phones.
I wish I was born in the 80's when everyone was addicted to Cocaine.
How did the mobile phone propose to his girlfriend?
He gave her a ring
What did the therapist say to the angry client when their cell phone battery died?
I suggest you find an outlet!
I deleted all my German friends from my cell phone contact list.
Now I'm Hanns free.
I left my phone under my pillow last night and woke up to coins underneath it. It must have been the Blue-tooth fairy.
I got a new cell phone for my wife...
Pretty awesome trade if you ask me!
What is a phone's favorite TV show? Game of Phones.
Why did the telecommuter quit her job? Because talk is cheap.
What brand of hand soap do telephone operators use? Dial.
Did you hear about the cell phone that got arrested?
It was charged with battery.
My wife and I got married under a cell phone tower.
The ceremony wasn't great, but the reception was perfect.
My mobile phone has a tuneless ring tone. It's chordless.
Why didn't the cell phone wear his glasses? He lost his contacts.
What do cell phones order at dinner?
Apps.
Apple is announcing a new cell phone for children.
iKid you not.
Someone just called my phone, sneezed and then just hung up.
I am getting sick and tired of these cold calls.
What did the girl say when she got a fake call? "I think that call was phoney".
If they could prove cell phones give deadly radiation
You could say to people you don't like "cant talk right now, you're giving me cancer".
What kind of phone does a burglar use?
A no-key-a.
How come the mummy doesn't want a telephone? Because he always gets too wrapped up on his calls.
What did the thrifty man say when he got his phone bill? "Who says talk is cheap?"
What happens if you cross a night crawler with a telephone? You get Ringworm!
The umpire kept answering his phone during the softball game.
He said he didn't want to miss any calls.
I almost got in trouble because I tried to talk to someone in the same room as me over the phone...
...It was a close call.
Why did the hobbit set his cell phone to vibrate?
He was afraid the ring would give him away.
Mobile phones have been around longer than people think.
I was watching this film the other day and heard Sir Lancelot ask someone to fetch his charger.
What happens when you cross an iron with a telephone? You get a smooth signal.
How did Sam win the talent show? Sam-sung.
My cell phone got drunk.
It took too many screenshots.
Cell phones are a static symbol.
I almost had a predicament trying to call someone in the same room as me. It was a close call.
What do you call a bald spot on a cell phone salesperson?
A gap in coverage.
What is an unlimited phone plan? A limit cannot be charged.
You might be able to use a smuggled cell phone in prison.
You just have to have cell coverage.
I want to tell you one more painful phone pun but I decided it's uncalled for.
I did it! Dad said to save my money til my balance looks like a phone number.....
Available balance: $9.11.
What do a phone and an engaged girl have in common? They both have rings.
A friend of mine has a mobile phone shaped like an Italian dumpling. It's a gnocchia.
