How do you keep your violin from being stolen?
Put it in a viola case.
10 saxophone players blew up a theatre...
authorities are on the lookout for the tenorists.
What’s the first thing a musician says at work?
“Would you like fries with that?”
What do you do to a female news anchor who breaks a leg?
You put her in a broadcast.
I always put my money in drums
Because it’s a sound investment.
We caught the drummer of our band masturbating over his drum kit...
I guess the pervert thinks of them as s*x cymbals.
What do you call an 80s synth pop band with a scoop of ice cream? Depeche a la Mode.
The ad said "Free Violin", but there were strings attached...
A drummer got a tattoo of a drum kit on himself
It was very cymbalic.
What’s an avocado’s favorite music?
Guac ‘n’ roll.
How are pirates like trumpets?
They murder the high C’s!
Did you hear about the new Smashing Pumpkins cover band?
They call themselves Squished Squash!
I used to play triangle in a reggae band but I had to give it up. It was just one ting after another.
The best gift I ever got was a broken drum...
You can't beat it.
What musical group do men join once they get married?
The Hus Band!
What does a trumpet and a baseball have in common? People cheer when you hit them with a bat.
Did you hear about the crook who was stealing guitars from classic rock stars?
He was just arrested for Petty theft.
All my neighbours bought the same set of stereos...
When will they stop stereotyping?
What is the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner?
You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.
What was Beethoven’s favourite fruit?
BA-NA-NA-NAAAAAA... BA-NA-NA-NAAAAAA...
You know those silly hacker movies where they're hacking so hard they type on two keyboards at once?
Such blatant stereo-typing
What is a pianist’s favorite cheese ?
Mozzartrella.
What did the fans say to the band named after a famous chickpea spread?
Hummus a tune.
What’s the difference between a violin and a fiddle?
One has strings and the other has strangs.
After playing guitar for years I thought I could learn to play the piano.
But it's not an easy instrument to pick up.
What do you call it when a musical group provides assistance?
Band aid.
I told the person who was playing my trumpet,
To stop pushing my buttons.
What happened when the guitars got in a fight?
They got in treble.
I saw a Jazz band last night, but they really sucked...
They really saxophoned it in.
What do you get when you play New Age music backwards?
New Age music.
When I play my violin it always sounds like it's crying
It's must be too highly strung
Why did the pianist quit playing the piano?
Bad Bach.
What do you call a low-quality Russian composer, pianist, and conductor of the late Romantic period?
Knockmaninoff.
After playing guitar for years I thought I could learn to play the piano.
But it's not an easy instrument to pick up.
I've started a new band called "Blanket'
We're a cover band
Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff...
Badum chhh
A musician told me he was going to hit me with the neck of his guitar.
I replied, “Is that a fret?”
Why was the piano laughing?
Because I was tickling his ivories
Being a soprano is a great opera tunity.
My uncle was crushed by a piano...
His funeral was very low key.
A piano player got arrested at a wedding...
He was trying to root the relatives.
My neighbors are listening to great music.
Whether they like it or not.
What's the difference between trumpet players and government bonds? Government bonds eventually mature and earn money.
Me and my friends are in a band called “Duvet”.
We’re a cover band.
Why did the guitarist get fired as a carpenter?
He was shredding the floor.
How do you fix a broken tuba?
With a tuba glue.
What is the difference between a saxophone and a lawnmower? Vibrato.
Drums - You can't beat 'em. Well, you have to, really.
What did Beethoven say to Johann Sebastian when he was helping him parallel park?
“Bach it up.”
My son told me, “The car manual says that I shouldn’t turn up the stereo to full volume.”
I said, “That’s sound advice.”
