What do you call a singing laptop?
A Dell.
How many indie musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
It’s an obscure number, you probably haven’t heard it.
What do you call a group of orcas that play music?
An iPod.
I've recently started up a band called "Mum's The Word."
If anyone asks, you've not seen us.
Which band were way ahead of their time in the stage lighting department?
LED Zeppelin.
I asked my musician friend if he plays by ear.
He said, "Yes, it's a violin. That is how you hold it."
What is the difference between a saxophone and a lawnmower? Vibrato.
I used to be the triangle player in a Jamaican band but I had to quit....
It was always just one ting after another.
I don't usually brag about my drum jokes but um...
tss
What do you call a cow that plays the violin?
Moozart.
How do you trap a drum kit?
Use a snare
What did the man do when he dropped his violin?
He quartet...
What's worse than a SPIDER on your PIANO?
CRAB on your ORGAN.
I heard Placebo on the radio. I actually thought it was The Cure.
There was a fish who wanted to be a broadcaster...
Until he went on air.
I re-skinned my drums with the skin my faithful steed Chestnut. I want people to reflect on the emotional connection between man and beast through the art of drum solos.
But my wife says I'm just beating a dead horse.
The only difference between a band teacher and a banned teacher
is what they were bangin
I used to play triangle in a reggae band but I had to give it up. It was just one ting after another.
I made a fiddle from a squash yesterday...
... i think it's broken, it only plays gourd vibrations.
Shopping at the music store, my friend had to settle for a fiver saxophone ...
They couldn't afford a tenor.
C, E-flat, and G walk into a bar.
The bartender says: "Hold it! We don't serve minors here."
Why did the guitarist get fired as a carpenter?
He was shredding the floor.
Remember the band that did that rock cover of “walk like an Egyptian’ by The Bangles?
Pharaohsmith.
What should you do if you can't afford a fancy trumpet?
Buy a frugelhorn
Musicians?
Oh yeah, we think outside the Bach’s.
Why did the Turkey want to join a band?
Because it had drumsticks!
What did the fans say to the band named after a famous chickpea spread?
Hummus a tune.
Violinist Caught following a String of Robberies.
Did you know Rolf Harris was a talented violinist as a child?
Yeah, he was a mean kiddie fiddler.
Drums - You can't beat 'em. Well, you have to, really.
Me and my friends are in a band called “Duvet”.
We’re a cover band.
What do you get when you cross a fridge with a radio? Cool Music
My uncle was crushed by a piano...
His funeral was very low key.
The ad said "Free Violin", but there were strings attached...
What was the pianist doing at the mall?
Chopin.
Why did the jazz musician refuse to be quarantined?
Cause he was an outdoor cat.
Want to start a Hula band that covers music by Poison.
Gonna call it Poi, Son.
What happened when the drummer re-recorded his drum solo?
There were repercussions.
Why can't redheads be in blues or jazz bands?
They got no soul.
What’s the first thing a musician says at work?
“Would you like fries with that?”
A drum rolled down a hill.
Ba-dum tsssh!
Why didn’t Handel go shopping?
Because he was Baroque.
What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?
You can tune a guitar but you can't "tuna" fish!
What sound drum set from the junkyard makes?
Ba-dump-tss
I've been diagnosed with a type of amnesia that makes me deny the existence of certain 80's bands.
There is no cure.
What is a garbage disposal’s favorite music group?
NSYNC.
What's better than having roses on your piano?
Tulips on your organ....
I told the person who was playing my trumpet,
To stop pushing my buttons.
What's the difference between trumpet players and government bonds? Government bonds eventually mature and earn money.
I taught a dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground.
We went from Barking to Tooting in 20 minutes!