My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with Linkin Park. But in the end, it doesn't even matter.
Name a rock group where none of the members sings or plays music.
Mt. Rushmore!
Why can't a Platypus be trusted on the radio?
Because they all have fowl mouths.
Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
What do you get if you drop a piano on an army base?
A flat major.
I've been diagnosed with a type of amnesia that makes me deny the existence of certain 80's bands.
There is no cure.
What is the musical part of a snake?
The scales.
Why was the piano laughing?
Because I was tickling his ivories
Why can’t skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
Shopping at the music store, my friend had to settle for a fiver saxophone ...
They couldn't afford a tenor.
What is Beethoven doing now?
De-composing.
Have you heard about the new band located in the north east of england?
They're called Durham Durham.
What do you call it when you spill your drink all over a piano?
Rag time.
Where did the music teacher leave her keys?
In the piano.
All stereos are so typical.
I used to be the triangle player in a Jamaican band but I had to quit....
It was always just one ting after another.
A woman is on trial for beating her significant other with a guitar. “First offender?” the judge asked.
“No” she replied. “First a Gibson , then a Fender”.
I bought my daughter into a radio...
She's not very e-static about it.
What does a trumpet and a lawsuit have in common? Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.
What does a trumpet and a baseball have in common? People cheer when you hit them with a bat.
What's worse than a SPIDER on your PIANO?
CRAB on your ORGAN.
How do you keep your violin from being stolen?
Put it in a viola case.
My band only plays dog whistles.
You've probably never heard us.
I should change my name to Billy and get a job as a radio show presenter.
Then I can finally be a Billy-on-air.
What's better than having roses on your piano?
Tulips on your organ....
What is the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner?
You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.
Why was Mozart a child prodigy?
All his early pieces were in A sharp minor.
What does Eric Clapton and a cup of coffee have in common? They both suck without Cream.
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.
How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.
What’s an avocado’s favorite music?
Guac ‘n’ roll.
What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist’s arm?
A tattoo.
What do you get when you play New Age music backwards?
New Age music.
Drums - You can't beat 'em. Well, you have to, really.
There was a fish who wanted to be a broadcaster...
Until he went on air.
My printer just told me it was joining a band.
Makes sense since it lives to jam.
My uncle was crushed by a piano...
His funeral was very low key.
You know those silly hacker movies where they're hacking so hard they type on two keyboards at once?
Such blatant stereo-typing
What should you do if you can't afford a fancy trumpet?
Buy a frugelhorn
My friend told me all about his friend's girlfriend who was playing saxophone.
Apparently she was a saxy lady.
What did the man do when he dropped his violin?
He quartet...
What kind of cheese is really good at guitar?
Shreddar.
When did the pianist finally turn their life around?
After they hit Rockbottomoff.
I listenend to the football game on the radio. It was being broadcast on a catholic satellite radio station.
So I tirned to my dad and said, "That's weird. Football isn't even that religious of a sport!"
My dad replied, "Nope. Lacrosse is!"
A drum rolled down a hill.
Ba-dum tsssh!
"learn to play piano by ear!"
"Thanks, I'd rather use my fingers."
Why did the music teacher need a ladder? To reach the high notes.
How do you tell the difference between a violinist and a dog?
The dog knows when to stop scratching.
Why aren't high school twins afraid of getting mono?
Because they get stereo instead!
What do call a guitar player without a girlfriend?
Homeless.