Where do pianists go on vacation?
The Florida Keys.
How do you get a trombonist off your doorstep?
Pay them for the pizza.
What do you call clean music?
A soap opera!
I have a musician friend who is always upbeat. When she developed ringing in one ear, I asked whether her condition was especially annoying to a musician. She shook her head. “Not really,” she replied cheerfully. “The ringing sound is in the key of B flat, so I use it to tune my cello half a tone lower.”
Why did the grandma sit in the rocking chair with her rollerblades on?
Because she wanted to rock and roll.
What did they say about the tone-deaf boy?
He has Van Gogh's ear for music.
What song do tornados like?
“The Twist.”
My girlfriend broke up with me because I quote too many Linkin Park songs.
But "in the end, it doesn't even matter".
What do you call a musician with problems?
A trebled man.
Middle C, E flat, and G walk into a bar.
“Sorry,” the bartender says. “We don’t serve minors.”
What’s the slang term for a harpsichord?
A Baroque man’s piano.
Why didn’t the bouncer let the quavers into the bar?
Because they were slurring.
What makes pirates such good singers?
They can hit the high Cs.
What’s the difference between a conductor and God?
God doesn’t think he’s a conductor.
Who’s there?
Little old lady.
Little old lady who?
Wow! I didn’t know you could yodel!
What is Beethoven’s favorite fruit?
Ba-na-na-naaaaa.
What do a sword and a piano have in common?
They can both B sharp.
What is a robot’s favorite kind of music?
Heavy metal.
How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.
Why did the chicken join the band?
Because he had the drumsticks.
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.
Why did Mozart get rid of his chickens?
They kept saying, “Bach, Bach, Bach!”
How does the sun listen to music?
On its ray-dio!
My neighbors are listening to great music. Whether they like it or not!
What's the difference between a banjo and an onion?
Nobody cries when you chop up a banjo.
What do you get when you put a radio in the fridge?
Cool music.
What do you call a set of musical dentures?
Falsetto teeth.
Want to hear the joke about a staccato?
Never mind — it’s too short.
A sign at a music shop: “Gone Chopin. Bach in a minuet.”
What is another term for trombone?
A wind-driven, manually operated pitch approximator.
Why is a piano so hard to open?
Because the keys are on the inside.
A while ago, my friend told me not to listen to loud music.
I haven’t heard from that guy since.
Why do bagpipe players walk when they play?
To get away from the noise.