Which composer likes tea the most?
Chai-kovsky.

What’s the definition of perfect pitch?
When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

Middle C, E flat, and G walk into a bar.
“Sorry,” the bartender says. “We don’t serve minors.”

Why do bagpipe players walk when they play?
To get away from the noise.

Where do pianists go on vacation?
The Florida Keys.

What is a cat’s favorite song?
“Three Blind Mice.”

Why was the musician arrested?
She got in treble.

Steal a man's wallet and he'll be poor for a day.
But teach him to play an instrument and he'll be poor for the rest of his life.

What’s Giuseppe Verdi’s favorite way to get around the airport?
La Travelator.

What do you get when you put a radio in the fridge?
Cool music.

What do you call clean music?
A soap opera!

How does the sun listen to music?
On its ray-dio!

A while ago, my friend told me not to listen to loud music.
I haven’t heard from that guy since.

What has a neck but no head?
A bass.

The Mozart Effect: Makes a child smarter and more mathematical along with a higher IQ
The Haydn Effect: Child is witty and quick on his feet, quite often bringing a grin to the faces of those around him. Despite this he exhibits remarkable humility.
The Bach Effect: Child memorizes Scripture and says his prayers every day; may overwhelm listeners with his speech.
The Handel Effect: Much like the Bach Effect; in addition, the child may exhibit dramatic behavior.
The Beethoven Effect: Child develops a superiority complex and is prone to violent tantrums; is a perfectionist.
The Liszt Effect: Child speaks rapidly and extravagantly, but never really says anything important
The Bruckner Effect: Child speaks very slowly and repeats himself frequently. Gains a reputation for profundity.
The Grieg Effect: This child is quirky yet cheery. May be prone toward Norwegian folklore.
The Ives Effect: Child develops a remarkable ability to carry on several separate conversations at once.
The

Why is a piano so hard to open?
Because the keys are on the inside.

How many concertmasters does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but it takes four movements.

Why can’t skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.

Why was music coming from the printer?
The paper was jamming.

Why did the grandma sit in the rocking chair with her rollerblades on?
Because she wanted to rock and roll.

What’s the slang term for a harpsichord?
A Baroque man’s piano.

Someone keyed the music teacher’s car.
Fortunately, the damage seems to B minor.

What makes pirates such good singers?
They can hit the high Cs.

Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.

How many Folk Singers does it take to change a light bulb?
One to change it and 5 to sing about how good the old one was.

What's the similarity between a drummer and a philosopher?
They both perceive time as an abstract concept.

A musician told me he was going to hit me with the neck of his guitar.
I replied, “Is that a fret?”

My neighbors are listening to great music. Whether they like it or not!

Me and my friends are in a band called “Duvet”. We’re a cover band.

My dad always told me I should sing tenor twelve miles away.

Why did the chicken join the band?
Because he had the drumsticks.

Why do fluorescent lights hum?
Because they forgot the words.

What do you call a guitar player that only knows two chords?
A music critic.

What has forty feet and sings?
The school choir.

Why didn’t Handel go shopping?
Because he was Baroque.

What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
A flat minor.

What’s a pirate’s favorite instrument?
The guit-arrr!

What rock band has four guys that don’t sing?
Mount Rushmore.

Want to hear the joke about a staccato?
Never mind — it’s too short.

What do you say when a kazoo player sneezes?
Kazoontite.

A sign at a music shop: “Gone Chopin. Bach in a minuet.”

How many guitar players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Twelve - one to do it, and eleven to stand around and say, "Phhhwt! I can do that!"

My girlfriend broke up with me because I quote too many Linkin Park songs.
But "in the end, it doesn't even matter".

I have a musician friend who is always upbeat. When she developed ringing in one ear, I asked whether her condition was especially annoying to a musician. She shook her head. “Not really,” she replied cheerfully. “The ringing sound is in the key of B flat, so I use it to tune my cello half a tone lower.”

I wrote a song about a tortilla chip.
Actually, it's more like a wrap.

What makes music on your head?
A headband.

What do you get when you play country music backward?
You get your wife back, your dog back, and your job back.

Why shouldn’t you let kids watch band performances on TV?
Too much sax and violins.

Why did Mozart get rid of his chickens?
They kept saying, “Bach, Bach, Bach!”

How do you get a trombonist off your doorstep?
Pay them for the pizza.