What do you get when you put a radio in the fridge?
Cool music.
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.
Why did Mozart get rid of his chickens?
They kept saying, “Bach, Bach, Bach!”
What do you get when you squish an army?
A flat major.
What song do tornados like?
“The Twist.”
What did they say about the tone-deaf boy?
He has Van Gogh's ear for music.
Why was music coming from the printer?
The paper was jamming.
My girlfriend broke up with me because I quote too many Linkin Park songs.
But "in the end, it doesn't even matter".
A musician told me he was going to hit me with the neck of his guitar.
I replied, “Is that a fret?”
How do you fix a broken brass instrument?
With a tuba glue.
Why did the fish make such a good musician?
He knew his scales.
What do you get if you cross a sweet potato and a jazz musician?
A yam session.
A young child says to his mother, "Mom, when I grow up I'd like to be a musician." She replies, "Well honey, you know you can't do both."
Want to hear the joke about a staccato?
Never mind — it’s too short.
Why did the grandma sit in the rocking chair with her rollerblades on?
Because she wanted to rock and roll.
There are so many jokes about a certain composer…
I could make you a Liszt.
Why was the musician arrested?
She got in treble.
What do you call clean music?
A soap opera!
What’s Giuseppe Verdi’s favorite way to get around the airport?
La Travelator.
Some might say the violinists in an orchestra don’t do much.
They just fiddle around.
Why didn’t Handel go shopping?
Because he was Baroque.
What do you say to the musician playing the triangle in the orchestra?
Thank you for every ting.
What do you say when a kazoo player sneezes?
Kazoontite.
What types of songs do planets sing?
Nep-tunes.
Someone keyed the music teacher’s car.
Fortunately, the damage seems to B minor.
My neighbors are listening to great music. Whether they like it or not!
What do you call a musical insect?
A humbug.
What do you call a guitar player that only knows two chords?
A music critic.
What did the robbers take from the music store?
The lute.
What is another term for trombone?
A wind-driven, manually operated pitch approximator.
Which composer likes tea the most?
Chai-kovsky.
I have a musician friend who is always upbeat. When she developed ringing in one ear, I asked whether her condition was especially annoying to a musician. She shook her head. “Not really,” she replied cheerfully. “The ringing sound is in the key of B flat, so I use it to tune my cello half a tone lower.”
What makes pirates such good singers?
They can hit the high Cs.
What rock band has four guys that don’t sing?
Mount Rushmore.
Middle C, E flat, and G walk into a bar.
“Sorry,” the bartender says. “We don’t serve minors.”
How do you get a trombonist off your doorstep?
Pay them for the pizza.
Why didn’t the bouncer let the quavers into the bar?
Because they were slurring.
What song do vampires hate?
“You Are My Sunshine.”
Why shouldn’t you let kids watch band performances on TV?
Too much sax and violins.
How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.
Why did the tortilla chip start dancing?
Because they put on the salsa.
What has forty feet and sings?
The school choir.
Why do fluorescent lights hum?
Because they forgot the words.
What's the difference between a banjo and an onion?
Nobody cries when you chop up a banjo.
What’s the best Christmas present in the whole world?
A broken drum—you can’t beat it!
I wrote a song about a tortilla chip.
Actually, it's more like a wrap.
What's the similarity between a drummer and a philosopher?
They both perceive time as an abstract concept.
What do a sword and a piano have in common?
They can both B sharp.
What do you call a cow that can play a musical instrument?
A moo-sician.
What kind of music did the pilgrims listen to?
Plymouth Rock!