Why do fluorescent lights hum?
Because they forgot the words.
What song do vampires hate?
“You Are My Sunshine.”
What did they say about the tone-deaf boy?
He has Van Gogh's ear for music.
What's the difference between a banjo and an onion?
Nobody cries when you chop up a banjo.
What do you call a guitar player that only knows two chords?
A music critic.
What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
What's the similarity between a drummer and a philosopher?
They both perceive time as an abstract concept.
What do you get when you squish an army?
A flat major.
What do a sword and a piano have in common?
They can both B sharp.
My dad always told me I should sing tenor twelve miles away.
Why couldn’t the string quartet find their composer?
He was Haydn.
What is Beethoven doing now?
De-composing.
Why did the chicken join the band?
Because he had the drumsticks.
Me and my friends are in a band called “Duvet”. We’re a cover band.
Some might say the violinists in an orchestra don’t do much.
They just fiddle around.
A father was buying bass lessons for his son.
After the 1st week, the father asked him what he had learned. The son said, "On my 1st lesson, we learned about the E string."
The 2nd week came, and after the lesson, the father asked what had he learned that week. The son said, "On my 2nd lesson, I learned about the A string."
When the 3rd week came by, the father said to his son, "You know these are expensive lessons. What have you learned this week?"
The son said, "I quit the lessons. I already got a gig."
There are so many jokes about a certain composer…
I could make you a Liszt.
How do you fix a broken brass instrument?
With a tuba glue.
What types of songs do planets sing?
Nep-tunes.
Why was music coming from the printer?
The paper was jamming.
What’s a pirate’s favorite instrument?
The guit-arrr!
Why shouldn’t you let kids watch band performances on TV?
Too much sax and violins.
What's the difference between a jet airplane and a trumpet?
About three decibels.
What’s the best Christmas present in the whole world?
A broken drum—you can’t beat it!
What type of music are balloons afraid of?
Pop music.
What’s the slang term for a harpsichord?
A Baroque man’s piano.
How do you get a trombonist off your doorstep?
Pay them for the pizza.
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.
What do you call clean music?
A soap opera!
Why didn’t the bouncer let the quavers into the bar?
Because they were slurring.
What is another term for trombone?
A wind-driven, manually operated pitch approximator.
What do you call a musician with problems?
A trebled man.
Why can’t skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
How many concertmasters does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but it takes four movements.
Why did the grandma sit in the rocking chair with her rollerblades on?
Because she wanted to rock and roll.
Someone keyed the music teacher’s car.
Fortunately, the damage seems to B minor.
Steal a man's wallet and he'll be poor for a day.
But teach him to play an instrument and he'll be poor for the rest of his life.
How many guitar players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Twelve - one to do it, and eleven to stand around and say, "Phhhwt! I can do that!"
How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.
What did the robbers take from the music store?
The lute.
Where do pianists go on vacation?
The Florida Keys.
What kind of music did the pilgrims listen to?
Plymouth Rock!
- Knock knock!
- Who's there?
- Britney Spears.
- Britney Spears who?
- Knock knock!
- Who's there?
- Oops! I did it again!
What is the most musical part of your body?
Your nose because you can blow and pick it.
How do you know when a drummer is at your door?
He speeds up when he’s knocking.
What song do tornados like?
“The Twist.”
What do you call a musical insect?
A humbug.
What is a cat’s favorite song?
“Three Blind Mice.”
What has forty feet and sings?
The school choir.
What’s Giuseppe Verdi’s favorite way to get around the airport?
La Travelator.