My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.