What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies