I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.