Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.