Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.