What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.