My history teacher was talking about mythical medieval creatures
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
What is the name of the device that the king uses to control the moat around his castle? A remoat control.
What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
Dracula had to move out of his medieval castle for a couple of weeks because it was getting re-vamp-ed!
What do you ask a medieval crustacean when you want them to feel the music?
Art thou feeling it now Mr. Krabs?
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
My brother was reading a book about a medieval castle that always had its drawbridge up. Unfortunately, he couldn't really get into the book!
How did explorers hide their treasures in the medieval ages? By dragon them to a safe location.
If I lived in medieval times, I'd be a tavern guard.
I've always been known for my Inn-Security.
After which knight is a town in England named? Sir Rey!
What do you call a medieval siege machine that throws flowers?
A trebouquet
Did you know knights are known for wearing dishware?
Thats why they call it plate armor.
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
What did the king say when he heard that the peasants were revolting? He said he agrees because they never bathe and always stink.
I like my pasta the way I like my medieval Italian literature.
All Dante.
What do you call a knight who just wants to fight with an opponent on level grounds? He is called Sir Face!
The medieval ages were technologically advanced. Take, for example, the guillotine, it was such cutting-edge technology.
The medieval queen was unhappy when she saw that it was pouring outside. She sighed to herself, "This could be another reigny day."
There was this knight who would be always roasting whatever he would catch for food. Guess this is why he was known as the Bonfire Knight.
I always knew that some knights had names that described their personality (like Lancelot the Brave), but I didn't realise nuns did that too until I became one...
I was Nun the Wiser.
A knight asks a squire for the time
The squire says: it seems to be 3 pm
The knights shuts his visor and says: no, its knight time
In the old times, the medieval kings and queens would only visit the dentist just before their coronation. This is because they wanted their teeth crowned!
What was the name of the knight who made the round table of Sir Arthur perfect? He was a knight called Sir Cle.
The medieval king was very excited when the engineer told him that he could get him a castle at very little price. Turns out, the engineer indeed built a castle but it was a bouncy one.
Why did the king order his new castle be built in the evening?
For the night knights!
I read that in medieval times, if you lost your castle to invaders during a siege, it was incredibly unlikely that you'd get the well-fortified tower area back.
Guys back then were playing for keeps.
What do you call a medieval spearman who is self employed?
A freelancer.
What do you call someone who used to build airplanes in medieval times? Aerosmith!
When the medieval sorcerer summoned a servant from the magical book, the Queen was astounded. This was a page right out of the book.
Why was the knight fighting the tournament with a sword made from cheddar cheese? Because the cheese was extra sharp!
A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
What were middle-aged parents called in medieval times? Middle-aged parents.
I think I met a medieval water snake
But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream.
It was totally Sir Eel.
How did they name those guys who wore shiny armor in medieval times?
They couldn't think of a name, so they decided to call it a knight.
Which cheese surrounds a medieval castle?
Moatzarella.
I googled 'lost medieval servant boy'
The result was 'This page cannot be found.'
The one time of the day when knights are willing to work is during the knightshift.
I went to a dad-joke competition at Medieval Times last weekend..
They called it the Game of Groans.
What do you call Sir Lancelot when he is dancing and singing to his heart's content at a party? We call him Sir Dancelot.
What was the nickname for the knight who ruled the fort?
"Fortnite"
Which one of King Arthur's knights named the Round Table?
Sir Cumference
What did King Arthur call his sneakiest knight?
Sir Valence.
What do you call a stunt rider from the 1200's?
Medieval Knievel
King Arthur had a knight in charge of determining property boundaries.
Sir Veyor
If you go to Medieval Times and watch the jousts, there is a sir charge.
How did one become a medieval executioner?
You had to axe nicely.
Why were medieval people from Mexico such good engineers? This is because they learned in Aztech!
Medieval Kings and Queens were afraid of the rain in the middle ages because the rain would storm the castle.
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle