Santa hit a dragon and killed it whilst flying over medieval England...
... guess you could say he sleighed it
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
My brother was reading a book about a medieval castle that always had its drawbridge up. Unfortunately, he couldn't really get into the book!
How did murderers hide the body in medieval times?
They start by dragon it.
Astonishingly, the first comic strip known to man was created by King John of England. It was called the 'Manga-Carta'!
Knights have always used one type of lamp since medieval times. These lamps are now called Knight Lamps.
Did you know there were vegetarians in Medieval Europe?
More often than not, they were called "peasants"
If you go to Medieval Times and watch the jousts, there is a sir charge.
There were two knights who were fighting a long duel with each other. The fight ended when one of them chopped off the other's leg- guess the knight was defeeted.
What was Camelot famous for?
It's knight life.
What is the name of the device that the king uses to control the moat around his castle? A remoat control.
Which English royal family was the smartest?
The Tudors.
Why couldn't Vivaldi play medieval music?
Because his violin was Baroque
What do you call someone who used to build airplanes in medieval times? Aerosmith!
What do you name a knight who has been able to persevere through all the barriers in his way? A Sir Vivor!
What can you find in both medieval English castles and American art museums?
Norman Rock Wells.
What should be the name of the knight who the King has appointed to carry a census of the land? He goes by the name Sir Vey.
What did the borg say to the medieval peasant?
Resistance if feudal
What do you call Sir Lancelot when he is dancing and singing to his heart's content at a party? We call him Sir Dancelot.
Medieval castles would have been great hangout spots in modern times because they had a great knight life!
Why did Arthur have a round table?
So nobody could corner him!
What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
Medieval Kings and Queens were afraid of the rain in the middle ages because the rain would storm the castle.
Once upon a time, a knight hosted a live improvisational comedy show for everyone in town. It was known as 'Saturday Knight Live'.
Vincent Van Gogh met a knight during the latter part of his life, who inspired him to draw one of his most famous paintings - The Starry Knight.
Where does King Arthur throw his stupid knights?
In the Dumbgeon.
I would say that life for the majority of people in the middle ages was rather peasant.
I went to a dad-joke competition at Medieval Times last weekend..
They called it the Game of Groans.
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
Where does a Knights templar keep his valuables?
A deus vult
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
How did knights in the middle-ages get across a moat?
Moataboat
The knight fell very sick over the weekend. He had a running temperature and was feeling very nauseous. The doctor called it the Saturday Knight Fever.
What was written on a knight's headstone?
Rust in peace.
How did they name those guys who wore shiny armor in medieval times?
They couldn't think of a name, so they decided to call it a knight.
What do you call a medieval spearman who is self employed?
A freelancer.
No one could measure their height in medieval kingdoms.
Only the Ruler could.
How did explorers hide their treasures in the medieval ages? By dragon them to a safe location.
The medieval king was very excited when the engineer told him that he could get him a castle at very little price. Turns out, the engineer indeed built a castle but it was a bouncy one.
What was the name of the knight who made the round table of Sir Arthur perfect? He was a knight called Sir Cle.
If Hamlet was alive now, he would have only worn t-shirts saying 2B or not 2B!
These days, knights love to watch movies, and their favorite genre is the horror and the action genre. Also, I am pretty sure that their favorite movie is 'Knight Of The Living Dead.'
What did King Arthur call his sneakiest knight?
Sir Valence.
Dracula had to move out of his medieval castle for a couple of weeks because it was getting re-vamp-ed!
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
My history teacher was talking about mythical medieval creatures
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
Most of the knights of the round table of King Arthur were in their middle ages.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
What do you call a medieval siege machine that throws flowers?
A trebouquet
What did the bone mage use to rob medieval homes?
A skeleton key