I went to a dad-joke competition at Medieval Times last weekend..
They called it the Game of Groans.
I googled 'lost medieval servant boy'
The result was 'This page cannot be found.'
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant's head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke's son and knocked him off the battlefield.
Yeah, apparently it was the first-ever serf face to heir missile.
If you go to Medieval Times and watch the jousts, there is a sir charge.
For several days each month, some friends and I get together, play instruments and sing in a medieval style.
I guess you could call it my minstrel period.
How did knights in the middle-ages get across a moat?
Moataboat
Why did Arthur have a round table?
So nobody could corner him!
The medieval queen was unhappy when she saw that it was pouring outside. She sighed to herself, "This could be another reigny day."
Medieval Kings and Queens were afraid of the rain in the middle ages because the rain would storm the castle.
I think I met a medieval water snake
But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream.
It was totally Sir Eel.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
Why was the medieval architect always going to the beaches? So that he could build the perfect sandcastle!
What can you find in both medieval English castles and American art museums?
Norman Rock Wells.
My history teacher was talking about mythical medieval creatures
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
What do you call a Medieval spy?
Sir Veillance
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
How did one become a medieval executioner?
You had to axe nicely.
The one time of the day when knights are willing to work is during the knightshift.
Did you know knights are known for wearing dishware?
Thats why they call it plate armor.
Although knights were considered protectors of the realm, they sometimes did get involved in the politics of their time. This was because the knights followed knight-wing politics.
Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?
They prefer Wight Castle.
A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
Did you see that their is a Medieval play about menstruation?
It's a period piece
In the dark ages, the knights had to attend a special type of school. It was the Knight School.
Knights have always used one type of lamp since medieval times. These lamps are now called Knight Lamps.
Most of the knights of the round table of King Arthur were in their middle ages.
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
What was written on a knight's headstone?
Rust in peace.
What is fruity and burns?
The grape fire of London.
Medieval scientists were known to be very arrogant and stubborn. They thought that everything revolved around them!
A knight asks a squire for the time
The squire says: it seems to be 3 pm
The knights shuts his visor and says: no, its knight time
For the last two weeks my kids have been building a medieval blanket fort every evening to sleep in. Many nights they also stayed up past their bedtime playing fortnight under its protective cover.
It was a night knight fort for Fortnight for a fortnight.
What did the borg say to the medieval peasant?
Resistance if feudal
The knight fell very sick over the weekend. He had a running temperature and was feeling very nauseous. The doctor called it the Saturday Knight Fever.
The medieval ages were technologically advanced. Take, for example, the guillotine, it was such cutting-edge technology.
Why couldn't Vivaldi play medieval music?
Because his violin was Baroque
What is the name of the knight that spreads all the rumors and news of the court and the king amongst the people? Sir Culate.
The medieval king was very excited when the engineer told him that he could get him a castle at very little price. Turns out, the engineer indeed built a castle but it was a bouncy one.
Digging trenches during the middle ages was seen as a great honor because it showed someone's shovelry!
Why does England always get attacked in the summer?
Because the Knights are shorter then.
Why was the medieval knight polishing his dress before going for the Queens's dinner party? Because he wanted to have a night in shining armor!
Which knight is the protector of foods?
Sir Anwrap
There was this knight who would be always roasting whatever he would catch for food. Guess this is why he was known as the Bonfire Knight.
Where does a Knights templar keep his valuables?
A deus vult
During the medieval time period, there weren't many extremely bad people. There were only mid-evil people during that age.
Which one of King Arthur's knights named the Round Table?
Sir Cumference
I would say that life for the majority of people in the middle ages was rather peasant.
What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
In the medieval ages, chess was a very popular game among Kings and Queens. This was because they had castles in it!
