What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
What do you call a drunk medieval poet?
Shakesbeer
What punishment do legs get in the medieval era?
decapita-shin
Why was the knight fighting the tournament with a sword made from cheddar cheese? Because the cheese was extra sharp!
If Hamlet was alive now, he would have only worn t-shirts saying 2B or not 2B!
If you go to Medieval Times and watch the jousts, there is a sir charge.
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
Medieval cures...
Were leeches on society
What is fruity and burns?
The grape fire of London.
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights
Where does a Knights templar keep his valuables?
A deus vult
The one time of the day when knights are willing to work is during the knightshift.
I like my pasta the way I like my medieval Italian literature.
All Dante.
Dance music can be traced back to medieval times when a farmer dropped some heavy beets.
Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe?
He had no heir!
Why was the medieval knight polishing his dress before going for the Queens's dinner party? Because he wanted to have a night in shining armor!
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
I went to a dad-joke competition at Medieval Times last weekend..
They called it the Game of Groans.
In medieval times, what were people who worked in banks known as? They were known as fortune-tellers!
Why were people in the Medieval times so self absorbed?
Because they thought that they were the center of the universe.
What do you think is the name of the knight who unexpectedly turned up at the battle? His name is Sir Prize.
How did murderers hide the body in medieval times?
They start by dragon it.
What do you call a medieval spearman who is self employed?
A freelancer.
Medieval Kings and Queens were afraid of the rain in the middle ages because the rain would storm the castle.
What type of weapon does a vegetable knight use?
A-spear-iguess
What bird regales you with stories of middle earth, knights, and allegory?
Bard owl.
Have you heard of the knight whose enemies were always lurking near him and following him? That knight went by the name of Sir Rounded.
Why are automatic doors like knights?
Because they're chivalrous!
How can you tell a sword is a knights favorite weapon?
He doesn't use a lance a lot.
What should be the name of the knight who the King has appointed to carry a census of the land? He goes by the name Sir Vey.
My history teacher was talking about mythical medieval creatures
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
In the medieval ages, chess was a very popular game among Kings and Queens. This was because they had castles in it!
For several days each month, some friends and I get together, play instruments and sing in a medieval style.
I guess you could call it my minstrel period.
What did the bone mage use to rob medieval homes?
A skeleton key
I like my wine like I like my medieval cities.
Fortified.
After which knight is a town in England named? Sir Rey!
A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
No one could measure their height in medieval kingdoms.
Only the Ruler could.
The medieval queen was unhappy when she saw that it was pouring outside. She sighed to herself, "This could be another reigny day."
How did knights in the middle-ages get across a moat?
Moataboat
I read that in medieval times, if you lost your castle to invaders during a siege, it was incredibly unlikely that you'd get the well-fortified tower area back.
Guys back then were playing for keeps.
Medieval castles would have been great hangout spots in modern times because they had a great knight life!
What do you call a Korean knight who is looking for his lost belongings? He goes by the name Sir Ching!
Although knights were considered protectors of the realm, they sometimes did get involved in the politics of their time. This was because the knights followed knight-wing politics.
When medieval armies went off to war...
were they playing for keeps?
What did the king say when he heard that the peasants were revolting? He said he agrees because they never bathe and always stink.
King Arthur had a knight in charge of determining property boundaries.
Sir Veyor
What did King Arthur call his sneakiest knight?
Sir Valence.