Dracula had to move out of his medieval castle for a couple of weeks because it was getting re-vamp-ed!
I like my wine like I like my medieval cities.
Fortified.
In the medieval ages, many knights had to travel throughout day and night. In order to increase their visibility in darkness, they invented a device known as the knightvision goggles.
Have you heard of the knight whose enemies were always lurking near him and following him? That knight went by the name of Sir Rounded.
How did knights in the middle-ages get across a moat?
Moataboat
Why couldn't Vivaldi play medieval music?
Because his violin was Baroque
My sister once took a knight as a dance partner to her high-school party because it was a prom knight.
What punishment do legs get in the medieval era?
decapita-shin
Why does England always get attacked in the summer?
Because the Knights are shorter then.
Which cheese surrounds a medieval castle?
Moatzarella.
How do Medieval sheep protest prisons?
They storm the baaaastille.
What do you call a Medieval knight who's always sure of himself?
Sir Tainly.
Which knight is the protector of foods?
Sir Anwrap
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
Knights have always used one type of lamp since medieval times. These lamps are now called Knight Lamps.
How did explorers hide their treasures in the medieval ages? By dragon them to a safe location.
King Arthur had a knight in charge of determining property boundaries.
Sir Veyor
How did murderers hide the body in medieval times?
They start by dragon it.
What do you think is the name of the knight who unexpectedly turned up at the battle? His name is Sir Prize.
My history teacher was talking about mythical medieval creatures
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
When many knights were being killed by guns and bombs, the medieval scientist discovered a weapon that would destroy all their enemies. It was known as the knightrogen bomb!
What did Richard III say when someone asked to build a car park in Leicester?
"Over my dead body!"
Medieval Kings and Queens were carried by their soldiers and servants. I am not lying, they litter-ally carried that way!
What was the nickname for the knight who ruled the fort?
"Fortnite"
I would say that life for the majority of people in the middle ages was rather peasant.
What is a knight who has traveled all across the earth with a ship known as? He is known as Sir Cumnavigator.
For several days each month, some friends and I get together, play instruments and sing in a medieval style.
I guess you could call it my minstrel period.
A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
What is the name of the device that the king uses to control the moat around his castle? A remoat control.
The one time of the day when knights are willing to work is during the knightshift.
What do you call someone who used to build airplanes in medieval times? Aerosmith!
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
How did one become a medieval executioner?
You had to axe nicely.
Lance is an uncommon name nowadays but in medieval times...
people were called Lance a lot.
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
When medieval armies went off to war...
were they playing for keeps?
Which English royal family was the smartest?
The Tudors.
When were Medieval armies too tired to fight?
When they had a lot of sleepless knights!
If you go to Medieval Times and watch the jousts, there is a sir charge.
What do you call Sir Lancelot when he is dancing and singing to his heart's content at a party? We call him Sir Dancelot.
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
It was quite dangerous for messengers back in the medieval era.
They often had to wear mail armor.
What type of weapon does a vegetable knight use?
A-spear-iguess
Santa hit a dragon and killed it whilst flying over medieval England...
... guess you could say he sleighed it
Did you know that back in medieval times, soldiers would sleep with lanterns next to them so they could see if something happened.
They were called "Knight Lights"
A great knight became all discombobulated and lost his weapons...
He was all out of swords.
Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe?
He had no heir!
The castle and court of Camelot were famous for their knight-life.
What do you call a Medieval spy?
Sir Veillance
Where does King Arthur throw his stupid knights?
In the Dumbgeon.