Medieval Kings and Queens were carried by their soldiers and servants. I am not lying, they litter-ally carried that way!
Did you know that back in medieval times, soldiers would sleep with lanterns next to them so they could see if something happened.
They were called "Knight Lights"
No one could measure their height in medieval kingdoms.
Only the Ruler could.
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
My sister once took a knight as a dance partner to her high-school party because it was a prom knight.
I went to a dad-joke competition at Medieval Times last weekend..
They called it the Game of Groans.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
What do you call a Medieval knight who's always sure of himself?
Sir Tainly.
Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe?
He had no heir!
What was written on a knight's headstone?
Rust in peace.
Santa hit a dragon and killed it whilst flying over medieval England...
... guess you could say he sleighed it
What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
There was this knight who would be always roasting whatever he would catch for food. Guess this is why he was known as the Bonfire Knight.
My brother was reading a book about a medieval castle that always had its drawbridge up. Unfortunately, he couldn't really get into the book!
What do you ask a medieval crustacean when you want them to feel the music?
Art thou feeling it now Mr. Krabs?
What do you call a medieval spearman who is self employed?
A freelancer.
The castle and court of Camelot were famous for their knight-life.
In the medieval ages, chess was a very popular game among Kings and Queens. This was because they had castles in it!
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
The one time of the day when knights are willing to work is during the knightshift.
When medieval armies went off to war...
were they playing for keeps?
Medieval castles would have been great hangout spots in modern times because they had a great knight life!
What do you think is the name of the knight who unexpectedly turned up at the battle? His name is Sir Prize.
Why couldn't Vivaldi play medieval music?
Because his violin was Baroque
In the old times, the medieval kings and queens would only visit the dentist just before their coronation. This is because they wanted their teeth crowned!
How can you tell a sword is a knights favorite weapon?
He doesn't use a lance a lot.
If Hamlet was alive now, he would have only worn t-shirts saying 2B or not 2B!
What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
Have you heard of the knight whose enemies were always lurking near him and following him? That knight went by the name of Sir Rounded.
Why was the medieval architect always going to the beaches? So that he could build the perfect sandcastle!
Once upon a time, a knight hosted a live improvisational comedy show for everyone in town. It was known as 'Saturday Knight Live'.
Did you know knights are known for wearing dishware?
Thats why they call it plate armor.
Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
Why was the medieval knight polishing his dress before going for the Queens's dinner party? Because he wanted to have a night in shining armor!
What do you call a medieval horse in the army
A knight-mare
Although knights were considered protectors of the realm, they sometimes did get involved in the politics of their time. This was because the knights followed knight-wing politics.
What do you call a cow apart of the Knights of the Round Table?
Sir Loin
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
When were Medieval armies too tired to fight?
When they had a lot of sleepless knights!
Why didn't the medieval farmers harvest flowers to make tea?
It would have been an exercise in feudal-lily-tea.
My history teacher was talking about mythical medieval creatures
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
What should be the name of the knight who the King has appointed to carry a census of the land? He goes by the name Sir Vey.
For several days each month, some friends and I get together, play instruments and sing in a medieval style.
I guess you could call it my minstrel period.
Medieval scientists were known to be very arrogant and stubborn. They thought that everything revolved around them!
What did the Medieval Gynecologist say to his patients?
At your cervix, m'lady
Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant's head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke's son and knocked him off the battlefield.
Yeah, apparently it was the first-ever serf face to heir missile.
What did the borg say to the medieval peasant?
Resistance if feudal
Dance music can be traced back to medieval times when a farmer dropped some heavy beets.
What is the name of the knight that spreads all the rumors and news of the court and the king amongst the people? Sir Culate.
What was Camelot famous for?
It's knight life.