Why are math books so darn depressing?
They’re literally filled with problems.
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
What do you call dudes who love math?
Algebros.
Who invented the Round Table?
Sir Cumference.
Why are obtuse angles so depressed?
Because they’re never right.
Why do teenagers travel in groups of 3 or 5?
Because they can’t even.
What kind of snake does your math teacher probably own?
A pi-thon.
Why didn’t sin and tan go to the party?
Just cos.
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
Why did the hipster throw away his calculus book?
He found it too derivative.
Where do mathematicians like to party?
In bar graphs.
A farmer counted 297 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 300.
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine!
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
hy don’t calculus major throw house parties?
Because they know firsthand that it’s a bad idea to drive and derive.
Why does algebra make you a better dancer?
Because you can use algo-rhythm.
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
To the person who invented zero...
Thanks for nothing.
Did you hear the one about the statistician.
Probably.
Did you hear about the statistician who drowned crossing the river?
It was three feet deep on average.
Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?
Because it was over 90 degrees.
What’s the best way to serve pi?
A la mode. Anything else is mean.
Why do math teachers love parks so much?
Because of all the natural logs.
What’s the best place to do math homework?
On a multiplication table.
Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it’s two gross.
Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.
They're *always* plotting something.
Why didn’t the Romans find algebra very challenging?
Because they always knew X was 10.
Dear Algebra, Please stop asking us to find your X.
She’s never coming back—don’t ask Y.
Why should you never argue with decimals?
Decimals always have a point.
Did you hear about the mathematician whose afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
How come old math teachers never die?
They tend to just lose some of their functions.
Why was the math lecture so long?
The professor kept going off on a tangent.
What do you call an angle that is adorable?
Acute angle.
Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?
His parents wouldn’t Cosine.
What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up?
I'm so over you!
Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper?
She’s definitely plotting something.
Why do plants hate math?
Because it gives them square roots.
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
How do you stay warm in any room?
Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.
How do you make seven an even number?
Just remove the “s.”
How do you do math in your head?
Just use imaginary numbers.
Why didn’t Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
It was too cubed.
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
What do you call a number that can’t keep still?
A roamin’ numeral.
What did the math teach rate the movie American Pie?
3.14
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can’t drink and derive…
How do you get from point A to point B?
Just take an x-y plane or a rhom’bus.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, “You guys should know your limits.”
Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there is no point!