Why should you never argue with decimals?
Decimals always have a point.
How do you stay warm in any room?
Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
To the person who invented zero...
Thanks for nothing.
Why didn’t sin and tan go to the party?
Just cos.
Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common?
Because they’ll never meet.
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
What’s the best place to do math homework?
On a multiplication table.
Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it’s two gross.
Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.
They're *always* plotting something.
Why are obtuse angles so depressed?
Because they’re never right.
Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?
Because it was over 90 degrees.
How do you do math in your head?
Just use imaginary numbers.
You know what’s odd?
Every other number.
Did you hear about the mathematician whose afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
How come old math teachers never die?
They tend to just lose some of their functions.
Why do math teachers love parks so much?
Because of all the natural logs.
Dear Algebra, Please stop asking us to find your X.
She’s never coming back—don’t ask Y.
Why are math books so darn depressing?
They’re literally filled with problems.
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
What’s the best way to serve pi?
A la mode. Anything else is mean.
Where do you bury dead people? Asymmetry
Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?
His parents wouldn’t Cosine.
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
How do you get from point A to point B?
Just take an x-y plane or a rhom’bus.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th.
Where do mathematicians like to party?
In bar graphs.
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine!
Why didn’t Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
It was too cubed.
Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.
What did the math teach rate the movie American Pie?
3.14
Did you hear the one about the statistician.
Probably.
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can’t drink and derive…
Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you?
It’s really as easy as pi!
Why did the two 4’s skip lunch?
They already 8!
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there is no point!
Why was the math lecture so long?
The professor kept going off on a tangent.
What kind of snake does your math teacher probably own?
A pi-thon.
Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper?
She’s definitely plotting something.
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
Why didn’t the Romans find algebra very challenging?
Because they always knew X was 10.
Why do teenagers travel in groups of 3 or 5?
Because they can’t even.
What do you call dudes who love math?
Algebros.
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
hy don’t calculus major throw house parties?
Because they know firsthand that it’s a bad idea to drive and derive.
A farmer counted 297 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 300.
Why does algebra make you a better dancer?
Because you can use algo-rhythm.
Why did the hipster throw away his calculus book?
He found it too derivative.
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
What do you call a number that can’t keep still?
A roamin’ numeral.