What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
What do you call an angle that is adorable?
Acute angle.
A farmer counted 297 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 300.
Who invented the Round Table?
Sir Cumference.
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
What do you call dudes who love math?
Algebros.
Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you?
It’s really as easy as pi!
Why does algebra make you a better dancer?
Because you can use algo-rhythm.
What kind of snake does your math teacher probably own?
A pi-thon.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, “You guys should know your limits.”
Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper?
She’s definitely plotting something.
Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common?
Because they’ll never meet.
Did you hear about the mathematician whose afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
How come old math teachers never die?
They tend to just lose some of their functions.
Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there is no point!
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine!
How do you make seven an even number?
Just remove the “s.”
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th.
Where do mathematicians like to party?
In bar graphs.
What do you call a number that can’t keep still?
A roamin’ numeral.
How do you do math in your head?
Just use imaginary numbers.
Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it’s two gross.
Why didn’t the Romans find algebra very challenging?
Because they always knew X was 10.
Where do you bury dead people? Asymmetry
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
What’s the best way to serve pi?
A la mode. Anything else is mean.
What did the math teach rate the movie American Pie?
3.14
Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.
They're *always* plotting something.
Why do plants hate math?
Because it gives them square roots.
Why do teenagers travel in groups of 3 or 5?
Because they can’t even.
Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.
Did you hear the one about the statistician.
Probably.
Why should you never argue with decimals?
Decimals always have a point.
hy don’t calculus major throw house parties?
Because they know firsthand that it’s a bad idea to drive and derive.
Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?
His parents wouldn’t Cosine.
You know what’s odd?
Every other number.
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
Why did the hipster throw away his calculus book?
He found it too derivative.
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
Why didn’t Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
It was too cubed.
What’s the best way to woo a math teacher?
Use acute angle.
To the person who invented zero...
Thanks for nothing.
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
Dear Algebra, Please stop asking us to find your X.
She’s never coming back—don’t ask Y.
What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up?
I'm so over you!
Why was the math lecture so long?
The professor kept going off on a tangent.
How do you stay warm in any room?
Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
Why are obtuse angles so depressed?
Because they’re never right.