Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?
It was a ‘mean’ thing to say!
Why didn’t sin and tan go to the party?
Just cos.
How do you make seven an even number?
Just remove the “s.”
What kind of snake does your math teacher probably own?
A pi-thon.
Where do mathematicians like to party?
In bar graphs.
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
Did you hear about the statistician who drowned crossing the river?
It was three feet deep on average.
Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?
His parents wouldn’t Cosine.
hy don’t calculus major throw house parties?
Because they know firsthand that it’s a bad idea to drive and derive.
Why do teenagers travel in groups of 3 or 5?
Because they can’t even.
Did you hear about the mathematician whose afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
How come old math teachers never die?
They tend to just lose some of their functions.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th.
Why was the math lecture so long?
The professor kept going off on a tangent.
Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?
Because it was over 90 degrees.
Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it’s two gross.
You know what’s odd?
Every other number.
Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common?
Because they’ll never meet.
What do you call a number that can’t keep still?
A roamin’ numeral.
Did you hear the one about the statistician.
Probably.
Why does algebra make you a better dancer?
Because you can use algo-rhythm.
Why didn’t the Romans find algebra very challenging?
Because they always knew X was 10.
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
To the person who invented zero...
Thanks for nothing.
Why do plants hate math?
Because it gives them square roots.
Why are obtuse angles so depressed?
Because they’re never right.
An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.
Why are math books so darn depressing?
They’re literally filled with problems.
How do you get from point A to point B?
Just take an x-y plane or a rhom’bus.
What did the math teach rate the movie American Pie?
3.14
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
Where do you bury dead people? Asymmetry
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
A farmer counted 297 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 300.
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up?
I'm so over you!
Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, “You guys should know your limits.”
Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.
They're *always* plotting something.
Why should you never argue with decimals?
Decimals always have a point.
Why did the hipster throw away his calculus book?
He found it too derivative.
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine!
Dear Algebra, Please stop asking us to find your X.
She’s never coming back—don’t ask Y.
Why do math teachers love parks so much?
Because of all the natural logs.
How do you do math in your head?
Just use imaginary numbers.
What’s the best place to do math homework?
On a multiplication table.
Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there is no point!
Who invented the Round Table?
Sir Cumference.
What’s the best way to woo a math teacher?
Use acute angle.
How do you stay warm in any room?
Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
