Why did the two 4’s skip lunch?
They already 8!
Why didn’t sin and tan go to the party?
Just cos.
What did the math teach rate the movie American Pie?
3.14
You know what’s odd?
Every other number.
Did you hear about the mathematician whose afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
How come old math teachers never die?
They tend to just lose some of their functions.
Dear Algebra, Please stop asking us to find your X.
She’s never coming back—don’t ask Y.
Who invented the Round Table?
Sir Cumference.
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
What’s the best place to do math homework?
On a multiplication table.
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
What kind of snake does your math teacher probably own?
A pi-thon.
How do you stay warm in any room?
Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
What do you call an angle that is adorable?
Acute angle.
An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.
Where do mathematicians like to party?
In bar graphs.
Why does algebra make you a better dancer?
Because you can use algo-rhythm.
How do you do math in your head?
Just use imaginary numbers.
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
Why are math books so darn depressing?
They’re literally filled with problems.
Why didn’t Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
It was too cubed.
Why are obtuse angles so depressed?
Because they’re never right.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, “You guys should know your limits.”
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th.
Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?
It was a ‘mean’ thing to say!
Why did the hipster throw away his calculus book?
He found it too derivative.
What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up?
I'm so over you!
Why do plants hate math?
Because it gives them square roots.
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it’s two gross.
What do you call a number that can’t keep still?
A roamin’ numeral.
Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common?
Because they’ll never meet.
Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.
Why do teenagers travel in groups of 3 or 5?
Because they can’t even.
Did you hear about the statistician who drowned crossing the river?
It was three feet deep on average.
How do you get from point A to point B?
Just take an x-y plane or a rhom’bus.
Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?
Because it was over 90 degrees.
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
Did you hear the one about the statistician.
Probably.
Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you?
It’s really as easy as pi!
To the person who invented zero...
Thanks for nothing.
Where do you bury dead people? Asymmetry
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can’t drink and derive…
What’s the best way to serve pi?
A la mode. Anything else is mean.
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there is no point!
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?
His parents wouldn’t Cosine.
How do you make seven an even number?
Just remove the “s.”
Why do math teachers love parks so much?
Because of all the natural logs.