My father and I were leaving our hotel room in Iraq and he almost forgot his suitcase.
I said "Don’t forget your Baghdad."
My daughter wants a horse...
But first we need a stable income.
Why did the biology teacher and the physics teacher split up?
They had no chemistry!
Once a year, I take my family on a tour of various nuclear facilities.
While my kids like it, my wife says it’s just a power trip.
My wife always said she believes in abstaining from s*x before marriage...
The way things are going, I now think she meant her second marriage.
I told my husband I'd missed the bus.
He asked me what I was trying to hit it with.
Why do ambulance drivers always have a partner with them?
They’re pair-a-medics.
There are 2 unwritten rules for a successful marriage.
1: . 2: .
What do you call your sibling’s daughter, who is famous?
Star anise
What are male twins inside a pregnant woman called?
Em-bro-yos.
I asked my husband to please press pause on the movie We were watching.
He called the dog over for the task, wanted to press his paws.
Two candies had a beautiful wedding. They were truly mint to be
What did the father buffalo say to his son when he left to school ?
Bison.
I want to ask my girlfriend to marry me, but first I must ask her father's permission...
I have to question the pop before I pop the question.
I don’t have Great Expectations for my son.
I got him the other books by Dickens though.
What did the drummer name his twin daughters?
Anna1, Anna2
What did the mother airplane say to the child airplane when the child was acting rude?
"I've had it with your altitude"
My partner was always criticising my sense of direction... So I packed up and right!
Sadly, hydrogen and helium broke things off. But they still think of each other... periodically.
I met my husband while visiting the zoo. There he was, in his uniform...
straightaway I knew he was a keeper.
What do elephants call their mother's sister?
Eleph-aunt.
My sister just delivered a baby...
I knew she had it in her.
I found out my wife is really a ghost.
I had my suspicions the moment she walked through the door.
You have your mother in law, father in law, son in law doughter in law but your wife is...
The law
Daughter's boyfriend introduced himself to me and said "Hi sir I'm david, nice to meet you".
He put out his hand and I said "David are you nervous?" He said no, so I grabbed his hand looked him in the eyes and said...
"Then why are you shaking?"
What do you call a baker whose parents are siblings?
Inbred.