I failed my Calculus exam because I was seated between two identical twins.
It was hard to differentiate between them.
My wife got mad at me for being lazy... It's not like I did something!
There once was a family, the Bigger’s.
There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and a son, baby Bigger. Which one was the largest?
The son, because he was a little Bigger.
Did you hear about the two cell phones that got married?
The ceremony was so so but the reception was superb.
My Karate teacher is getting a divorce.
He is a great Sensei, but he's not very skilled at the marital arts.
Today I learned that Both Charles Darwin and Albert Einstein married their first cousins.
For both, it’s all relative.
What is the only American State that has ever been married?
Mrs. Ippi.
My sister had twins, a boy and a girl, and asked for help naming them.
She liked my suggestion of calling the girl Denise, but had second thoughts when I suggested calling the boy Danephew.
I want to ask my girlfriend to marry me, but first I must ask her father's permission...
I have to question the pop before I pop the question.
Bruce Lee had a vegan brother,Broco Lee.
My wife accused me of hating her family and relatives
I replied, no, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine.
What does your little sibling and Q have in common?
They will always rely on U.
Can’t wait for the first married woman to walk on the red planet.
Just so I can ask if there’s wife on Mars.
How do you get a farm girl to marry you?
First, a tractor.
I broke up with my partner on our front stairs.
It was a stoop end to the situation.
My friend told me, “Your wife and daughter look like twins!”
I said, “Well, they were separated at birth.”
My wife just said that in order for our marriage to work, we both need to make sacrifices.
I’m thinking of choosing a goat.
There are 2 unwritten rules for a successful marriage.
1: . 2: .
When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.
Turns out identity theft is a crime
How did the pot head propose to their spouse?
Marriage, You wanna?
What do you call your sibling’s daughter, who is famous?
Star anise
What is it called when two Irish couples go out on a date?
Dublin date.
After making love the other night, I told my husband that I love when the whispers sweet things in my ear...
So my hubby leaned in close and whispered... "Syrup."
What do time and space have in common with family?
It's all relative.
If I ever had identical twin daughters, I'd name the first one Kate....
and the second one Duplikate.
They say marriage is like a workshop. Where the man works and the women shops.