How is Europe like a frying pan?
It has Greece at the bottom.
I'm taking indian cooking classes, because
I'm just so curryous about it.
I lost a cooking challenge once for not completing the dish.
I ran out of thyme.
I watched an eclipse through my colander, now I’ve strained my eyes.
I've decided to stop being a fork and become a spoon.
I just woke up one day and didn't see the point anymore.
What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
My wife asked me if I'd seen the dog bowl...
I said I didn't even know he could play.
I was on the road yesterday with my metal detector looking for some cutlery....
I found plenty of spoons and knives but I didn't stop, until I hit a fork in the road.
I found a cutlery dispenser that doesn’t work properly
No forks were given.
How did Michael Jackson revolutionize cooking in space?
Moon Wok!
Do you know why the boy didn't want to become a cheese slicer like his brother?
He wanted to become a grater man.
Why was the jar about to explode?
Cause it was jam-packed!
What happened to the dull knife's application?
It was turned down, he just couldn't make the cut.
Almost dropped a plate of Alphabeti Spaghetti. That could have spelled disaster.
What happened to your arm, Greg? And why are you eating that giant bowl of herbs?
"You know what they say, Margaret"
"Thyme heals all wounds".
Yesterday, I bought my wife a cheese grater to use on cheddar and parmesan, both of which I hate.
It was the grater of two evils.
My kids say my cooking is incredible...
with a silent 'cr'
I lost my kid in the kitchenware section of Ikea today.
It was a pans labyrinth.
I was boiling vegetables in the saucepan the other day when my wife went to move it...
I said careful, it’s got a leek in it.
Be careful what you say about those plates in the cabinet.
They're stacked.
What do Santa’s elves cook with in the kitchen?
A u-tinsel.
Did you hear about the fellow who threw away his new iron skillet?
It smelt funny...
So my brother is grating cheese for a dip. He looks up and says,
"I'm the gratest."
Last night while cooking, my serving spoon's handle broke off. My husband walked in and said:
How very un-ladle-like!
I was served by a former police officer at my local Applebee’s, I asked for a cup of water and he gave me a cup of ice instead and said
“Just-ice has been served”
Will glass coffins ever become popular?
This remains to be seen.
What did the plate say to the refrigerator?
"Stay cool. Dinner's on me"
I put my root beer in a square glass
Now I just have beer
I was washing the dishes today and got so frustrated I screamed into a collander.
I think I strained my voice.
My son asked me where the pan was.
I told him, naturally, it went on a wok.
What do you call a very sad cup of coffee?
A depresso.
The guests were already at the door and we realized we forgot to make dessert. As a last-minute resort, my wife took the skillet, spread some frosting on it and said,
"Pancake".
A tuning fork is, essentially, a pitch fork.
What do you call a decent cup of coffee?
Just an average joe.
I'm going around with a bent knife, so that when I'm short on time, I can cut corners.
I must say, my wife's cooking has really improved.
That was the best slice of soup I've ever had.
My biggest problem with having three square meals a day is that all my plates are round.
Did you hear about the nun who got into trouble for drinking communion wine from her convent's medieval goblet?
No, but it serves her rite.
My girlfriend was arrested for assault using an iron skillet
We'll see how this pans out but I think she's fried.
I came to a fork in the road.
I proceeded to pick it up.
Why did the female chef win the cook-off?
Because cheese grater!
The barman in the pub looked over at me said, "Your glass is empty. Fancy another one?" "
Why would I want two empty glasses?" I asked
I downloaded a colander app instead of a calendar and now my battery keeps draining.
What's the best kind of pan to make sushi in?
Japan.
Why was the door glass?
Because the door was ajar
My wife got a straw for her drink...
When she sat down, she took a sip, and frustratedly sighed "My straw has a hole in it!"
I replied "I should hope it has two!"
What did the cook say after making stir fry at a playground?
"It was a wok in the park."
Got a puncture in my tyre the other day. Think it was at the fork in the road.
I met a man with a glass eye this morning...
He didn’t tell me, it just came out in the conversation
What do you call a bad cheese grater?
A cheese lesser.