Be careful what you say about those plates in the cabinet.
They're stacked.
What the Poland man did, after adding German mugs to his collection?
He polished them.
I was watching a new cooking show where you only get to pick one pan to use the whole time…
It's called, "Do You Have The Skillet Takes?!"
Which drawing utensil is the fastest?
The e-racer.
Why does the superhero shred his cheese?
For the grater good.
If I put dull-tasting food in a bowl, will it have a bowlder taste?
Why did i murder the woman who served me a glass of wine?
Because i wanted tequila.
Lost my bread knife the other day..
I'm absolutely gutted...we've been through thick and thin
What is the dish that likes using the light switch?
StrogONOFF
Minding my own business, when someone I thought was my friend threw a serving plate full of bumblebees at me.
I was bee-trayed.
Why did Don Corleone send back the plate for his coffee cup?
Someone gave him a saucer he could not reuse.
How do you make garlic toast? Lift your glass and talk about the wonderful things it has done.
Did you hear about the fellow who threw away his new iron skillet?
It smelt funny...
What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
Someone stole my cutlery set, but we were unable to identify the thief
It was stainless steel.
Did you know cutlery scams require the most patience?
You've got to play the long prong.
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk.
Almost dropped a plate of Alphabeti Spaghetti. That could have spelled disaster.
A piece of cheese sees his cheese friend looking a little disheveled. “Are you OK?” he asks.
“I’ve felt grater”, his friend coughed.
I bought this strange novelty baking pan shaped like Camelot.
I think I'll break it in by making a castlerole.
A tuning fork is, essentially, a pitch fork.
I used to work at a cutlery store, but I quit
No more Mr. Knife guy.
What did the glass say to the window?
"I'm in pane."
I used to be part of a ten pin league. Our team name was 'Bowl Movement'.
How do Chinese people make cutlery?
They chopsticks.
My wife wants to start selling kitchenware online.
I just don't see it panning out.
The barman in the pub looked over at me said, "Your glass is empty. Fancy another one?" "
Why would I want two empty glasses?" I asked
I really hate straws.
They suck.
What do you call a cat sitting on a platter?
A Platterpuss.
When you lick the icing off a spoon are you defrosting it?
I started carrying a knife after an attempted mugging.
Since then, my muggings have been far more successful.
I left my job at the Chinese restaurant and took my favourite frying pan, until I heard the owner yell...
"Don’t wok away from me!"
I forgot my fork so tried to eat my lunch with just a spoon. It was pointless.
I was watching an Australian cooking show recently and the audience began applauding when the chef made meringue. Which is odd because...
Australians usually boo meringue.
Part of my alphabetised tea set recently got possessed by a demon.
I’m sure it’s saucer ‘E’.
Two flies are playing football on a saucer.
They’re practicing for the cup.
Why did the police arrest a cup of snow?
For just-ice
Why didn’t the cheese want to get sliced?
It had grater plans.
I said to her, are going to eat that whole plate of spaghetti??
She said: no, it's in pasta bowl
Cooking always puts my wife in a bad mood...
She beats the eggs and whips the cream.
Cops should feed beans on very tiny plates to the suspects they're interrogating.
That way they're always gonna end up spilling the beans.
If you try to stretch a fork to see if it breaks...
Are you testing its utensil strength?
I gave my dad a mug for his birthday
It said "World's greatest dad". When I gave it to him he looked kind of insulted. Is something wrong with it I asked? He replied, "You spelled 'dad' backwards"
What do you call a stolen jar?
A free mason.
I downloaded a colander app instead of a calendar and now my battery keeps draining.
My car keeps telling me my door is ajar. It's not a jar you idiot it's a door.
How do you make cheese even better?
You use a cheese grater of course!
Someone threw a jar of mayo at me
I yelled what the Hellmann?!
A kitchen knife and fork had a race. Who won? Neither, it ended in a drawer.
I used to have an electric wok but I had to get rid of it
Wouldn’t run.