Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
When were Medieval armies too tired to fight?
When they had a lot of sleepless knights!
What were middle-aged parents called in medieval times? Middle-aged parents.
The medieval king was very excited when the engineer told him that he could get him a castle at very little price. Turns out, the engineer indeed built a castle but it was a bouncy one.
My least favorite teacher in the school is the History teacher. Whenever she takes a class on Ancient History, she tends to Babylon.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
What do Alfred the Great and Ivan the Terrible have in common?
Their middle name.
During the cold war all the countries involved went into hibernation.
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
Name the subject that is most fruitiest among others. History because of it huge number of dates.
What do you call a knight that jousts all the time
Sir Lance-alot
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
A teacher asks one of their pupils, "Can you describe Napoleon"s origin?"
The pupil replies, "Course I can." (Corsican)
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
What do you call a sick Egyptian?
Sir Cough-a-gus
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
What punishment do legs get in the medieval era?
decapita-shin
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
Which was the largest Gladiator of them all?
Gluteus Maximus
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
Where does King Arthur throw his stupid knights?
In the Dumbgeon.
Why was the king only a foot tall?
Because he was a ruler.
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
What do you call a group of penniless Viking grave diggers?
The poor norsemen of the necropolis.
I had a friend who got a Ph.D. in the history of Palindromes. He is now called Dr. Awkward.
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
The crosseyed history teacher
Could not control her pupils.
Franz Joseph constantly sour about everything because he was always Haydn.
What happened to the two gladiator olives?
They were pitted against each other
Medieval cures...
Were leeches on society
Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant's head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke's son and knocked him off the battlefield.
Yeah, apparently it was the first-ever serf face to heir missile.
What is the name of the knight that spreads all the rumors and news of the court and the king amongst the people? Sir Culate.
What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
My sister once took a knight as a dance partner to her high-school party because it was a prom knight.
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
Which knight is the protector of foods?
Sir Anwrap
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
As soon as the ancient Egyptian kings come to know about the pyramid scheme, they stopped building monuments immediately.
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
It is no wonder that Thomas Jefferson was thus named, his father was after Jefferdad.
Napoleon may not have designed the coat he wore, but he did have a hand in it.
The comedian said a joke from the 17th century, the crowd went historical.
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
History. History. Did I just rewrite history?
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
Vikings weren't exactly the best at drinking contests.
They were quite MEADiocre.