What did the Viking chieftain say when asked about his motivation?
"I'm in it for the longhall."
What explorer was the best at Hide and Seek?
Marco Polo.
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
Old Norse cuisine is simply not to my Viking.
Wanna hear a joke about Vikings?
Never mind, there's Norway you'd laugh at it.
People hated Ho Chi Minh because he was Hanoi-ing.
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
When the proposal of building a parking lot was given to Richard III, he told said, "Over my dead body."
If someone else would have invented the airplane, it wouldn't have been Wright.
Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
Did you know that back in medieval times, soldiers would sleep with lanterns next to them so they could see if something happened.
They were called "Knight Lights"
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th.
If Roman Emperor Nero was born in Egypt..
He might have been a Far-o.
When indoor toilets were introduced in Britain, it was considered to be a revo-loo-tionary move.
Gordon Ramsey shouted at Queen Mary because she was burning everything.
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
Nobody knows about Napoleon's brother because they were born-apart-e.
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
The crosseyed history teacher
Could not control her pupils.
The Second World War was very slow because they were Stalin.
What happened to the two gladiator olives?
They were pitted against each other
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
Why didn't the Romans have algebra?
Because X always equaled 10!
A student holds a gun to his English teacher. "Give me all your money or you're geography!"
"You mean history."
"Don't change the subject!"
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
What do the early European settlers in America have in common with ants?
They both lived in colonies!
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
What do you call the gladiator who only tackles other gladiators?
Wrestle Crow.
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle
How can you tell if you're at a classy Viking restaurant?
They have Valhallet parking
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
When were Medieval armies too tired to fight?
When they had a lot of sleepless knights!
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
What did the Medieval Gynecologist say to his patients?
At your cervix, m'lady
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
My English teacher told us to write about the history of our life. However, I hate writing, so I used AI to write it for me.
I guess you can say it's an auto-biography.
How did brave Ancient Egyptians write?
With hero-glyphics.
What do you call a medieval horse in the army
A knight-mare
What is fruity and burns?
The grape fire of London.
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
How do Vikings get each other's attention?
They ValHolla!
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
One of the funny puns uttered by Mark Twain is that denial is not just a river in Egypt.
Medieval scientists were known to be very arrogant and stubborn. They thought that everything revolved around them!
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot