Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
What's the difference between a Viking and that one Bond movie where he's in space?
One's *Moonraker*, the other's a rune maker.
Why was the king only a foot tall?
Because he was a ruler.
When many knights were being killed by guns and bombs, the medieval scientist discovered a weapon that would destroy all their enemies. It was known as the knightrogen bomb!
When the Vikings discovered America, what did they name it?
Norse America.
What is a knight who has traveled all across the earth with a ship known as? He is known as Sir Cumnavigator.
Lance is an uncommon name nowadays but in medieval times...
people were called Lance a lot.
What do you tell the nobles of Scandinavia whenever you're leaving their house?
Viking.
Why was the medieval knight polishing his dress before going for the Queens's dinner party? Because he wanted to have a night in shining armor!
If Roman Emperor Nero was born in Egypt..
He might have been a Far-o.
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
What is a Viking's favorite music?
Ragnarock.
During the medieval time period, there weren't many extremely bad people. There were only mid-evil people during that age.
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
What do you call a knight who just wants to fight with an opponent on level grounds? He is called Sir Face!
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
My history teacher was talking about mythical medieval creatures
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
After having learned the history of chess, I have come to the conclusion that all chess players have quite a checkered past.
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
Astonishingly, the first comic strip known to man was created by King John of England. It was called the 'Manga-Carta'!
Why couldn't Vivaldi play medieval music?
Because his violin was Baroque
Norwegian archeologists have uncovered the very first Viking parenting book.
The title, translated into modern language, is *It Takes a Pillage*.
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
How did one become a medieval executioner?
You had to axe nicely.
Why do companies all around the world fear Vikings?
Because of their skills in hacking
Why are Scandinavian women so hot?
The Vikings didn't bring back the ugly ones.
What did the borg say to the medieval peasant?
Resistance if feudal
In the old times, the medieval kings and queens would only visit the dentist just before their coronation. This is because they wanted their teeth crowned!
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
What is the name of that knight who is very fond of the sea and spends most of his time at sea beaches? We call him Sir Fer.
What did the Medieval Gynecologist say to his patients?
At your cervix, m'lady
The colonized do not like British tea. They only want liber-tea.
What do you call a cow apart of the Knights of the Round Table?
Sir Loin
During the Great Depression, President Hoover didn't give a dam.
Medieval scientists were known to be very arrogant and stubborn. They thought that everything revolved around them!
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
Did you see that their is a Medieval play about menstruation?
It's a period piece
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
What do you ask a medieval crustacean when you want them to feel the music?
Art thou feeling it now Mr. Krabs?
The ancient Egyptian people knew how to prepare delicious jams. It was only because of their skill of preserving things.
Dance music can be traced back to medieval times when a farmer dropped some heavy beets.
What do you call a happy aviator?
A gladiator
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
What do you call a group of penniless Viking grave diggers?
The poor norsemen of the necropolis.