If you need an Ark, I Noah guy.
For the last two weeks my kids have been building a medieval blanket fort every evening to sleep in. Many nights they also stayed up past their bedtime playing fortnight under its protective cover.
It was a night knight fort for Fortnight for a fortnight.
When a ship or Vikings suddenly vanishes
There's a disturbance in the Norse
What do you call a drunk medieval poet?
Shakesbeer
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
Wanna hear a joke about Vikings?
Never mind, there's Norway you'd laugh at it.
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!
What did the gladiator say when he was surrounded by nearly 100 men?
IC
How did explorers hide their treasures in the medieval ages? By dragon them to a safe location.
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
My Gladiator DVD stopped working...
Talk about an *epic* fail.
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
Medieval scientists were known to be very arrogant and stubborn. They thought that everything revolved around them!
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
What is a knight who has traveled all across the earth with a ship known as? He is known as Sir Cumnavigator.
When indoor toilets were introduced in Britain, it was considered to be a revo-loo-tionary move.
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
What did the old Egyptian get by staring at the river?
See-Nile!
What do you call a stunt rider from the 1200's?
Medieval Knievel
Vikings joke
Why do West Virginia residences love the Vikings?
They catch theilens from their cousins.
How does a Viking show the amount of raiding and pillaging that they do at the same time?
They use a Sven Diagram.
What do you call a ruler of Egypt that hunts whales with a folding bed?
Futon Harpoon
If Roman Emperor Nero was born in Egypt..
He might have been a Far-o.
Why was the viking boxer loved so much
He ragna"rocked" the house
What explorer was the best at Hide and Seek?
Marco Polo.
Have you heard of the knight whose enemies were always lurking near him and following him? That knight went by the name of Sir Rounded.
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
The medieval ages were technologically advanced. Take, for example, the guillotine, it was such cutting-edge technology.
Why does England always get attacked in the summer?
Because the Knights are shorter then.
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
A man goes into a Chinese restaurant and sees people dressed like vikings
"Excuse me, ladies and gentleman. I am a well traveled man and the atmosphere of my excursions must be perfect. I must kindly ask you to leave."
A big, muscular man dressed in Viking armor walked up to the man and said
"Norway"
I read that in medieval times, if you lost your castle to invaders during a siege, it was incredibly unlikely that you'd get the well-fortified tower area back.
Guys back then were playing for keeps.
When the Frenchman asked for a book on warfare on Battle of Waterloo from his librarian, she said, "You're just going to lose it."
Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?
They prefer Wight Castle.
If I lived in medieval times, I'd be a tavern guard.
I've always been known for my Inn-Security.
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
I think I met a medieval water snake
But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream.
It was totally Sir Eel.
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
I googled 'lost medieval servant boy'
The result was 'This page cannot be found.'
How was the viking party?
Pretty Loki.